princess in disguise

See You There

2011-11-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

New year, new blog. It's just how I operate. :-)

See you on Tumblr!

Boom (a.k.a. why I'm going to stop saying I don't ever want to get married)

2011-11-18T11:51:00.000+08:00

Abbie: Ate Jannah, ayoko na talaga mag-asawa..

Ate Jannah: You know Abbie, you can say whatever you want.. but in the end, it's not up to you. No matter what, it's still God's will that will prevail. That's not to say that you shouldn't watch your tongue and just blurt out whatever you want whenever you want, because it's still the wheel that sets the whole course of life on fire. You should still choose to declare God's will and purposes in your life.

From the Deepest Corners #1

2011-11-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

(In random order.)

Solo living.
Enthusiasm.. a general zest for life. Been feeling blah lately.
Hiking.
A serenade.
Discipline.
A partner.
Travels.
A kiss without any shame.
To Whom It May Concern - The Civil Wars
"You are worth fighting for. Your heart is worth fighting for."
Many pairs of Oxford heels.
Strengths Finder 2.0.
Cupcakes.
Driving around at 2 in the morning.
Propensity for extreme anger.
A clear picture of what a real man is supposed to be like.
Someone who gets it.
Lanterns in the sky.
Someone to look at the moon with.
"You're amazing just the way you are."
Affirmation.
~~Intimacy.~~
Wholeness.
Home.
The heart for marriage.
Stars every single night.
"Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you."
Motivation.
Confidence.
Real men.. wild at heart.
To move in faith.
3rd Generation Toyota Prius.
Children.
Someone to text when things are sucky.
The last rays of light that linger in the room for a moment then fade away almost instantly.
A best friend.
Message Remix and TNIV Parallel Bible.. a.k.a. the best version!
"Everything that happens in the day, all I can think to myself is: I can't wait to tell Jamie about this."
The nations.
Happy Lemon. Like, right now. :(
Security.
~~Relevance.~~
To be relieved of the thorn in the flesh.
Skyway cruisin'.
Bon Chon's Chops. Again, right now.
Musical theatre.
Massive cumulus clouds every morning.
Someone who insists.
Paris. Europe in general.
"You're gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. Either that or a scented candle."
Someone who fights.
Bon Iver live.
Well-fitting leather jacket.
A big notebook with the Eiffel tower on the cover.

Ed Stetzer on Legalism

2011-11-01T03:51:00.001+08:00

Because not only does it deserve a reblog, it also deserves one of these epic slow claps:

Legalism

Today, the Resurgence blog provides a clear path to legalism:

How to Become a Legalist:

1. Make rules outside the Bible.
2. Push yourself to try and keep your rules.
3. Castigate yourself when you don't keep your rules.
4. Become proud when you do keep your rules.
5. Appoint yourself as judge over other people.
6. Get angry with people who break your rules or have different rules.
7. "Beat" the losers.

In an interview with Howard Hendricks, Chuck Swindoll defined the legalism problem as:

"...when we get into areas that are not set forth in Scripture, either in precept or even in principle. These may be such things as length of hair, tattoos and other body piercings, skirts or pants for women, makeup or no makeup. Those are not scriptural issues. Sometimes these issues are cultural, and you do have to address them when you are in that particular culture. But I think legalism begins when you do or refrain from doing what I want you to do or not do because it's on my list and it's something that I am uncomfortable with."

Then, Chuck gives his blunt advice:

"The problem with legalists is that not enough people have confronted them and told them to get lost. Those are strong words, but I don't mess with legalism anymore. I'm 72 years old; what have I got to lose? Seriously, I used to kowtow to legalists, but they're dangerous. They are grace-killers. They'll drive off every new Christian you bring to church. They are enemies of the faith. Other than that, I don't have any opinion!

So, if I am trying to force my personal list of no-no's on you and make you feel guilty if you don't join me, then I'm out of line and I need to be told that."

(Source)

The reason this hits a nerve.. is because by the definition above, I was once a legalist too. It took time a lot of grace for me to realize the error of my ways. And I am humbled. So, so humbled. I ended up being more in love with God for correcting my mistake! Indeed, God does discipline His children.

Frrrozen Hot Chocolate: Serendipity's Best-Kept Secret

2011-10-31T14:31:00.000+08:00

The 2001 movie Serendipity is one of my favorite flicks in the romantic comedy genre. Sure, it was a little too contrived or probably cheesy for other people, but I liked it. I found it charming. It's the story of two people who met one night in New York, fell in love, and separated, convinced that one day they'd end up together. (Yep, all in one night. Heehee.)

I was so surprised to find out that the coffee shop they stayed in is actually a real coffee shop located in New York, named Serendipity! I haven't been there myself, but a friend of mine who has been there told me all about it and their scrumptious Frrrozen Hot Chocolate!

So I did a little digging on the world wide web (because I was craving and wanted to look for recipes anyway) and voilà, look what I found!

Ingredients

6 half-ounce pieces of a variety of your favorite chocolates
2 teaspoons store-bought hot chocolate mix
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 cups milk
3 cups ice
Whipped cream
Chocolate shavings

Preparation

Chop the chocolate into small pieces and place it in the top of a double boiler over simmering water, stirring occasionally until melted. Add the cocoa and sugar, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended. Remove from heat and slowly add 1/2 cup of the milk and stir until smooth. Cool to room temperature.

In a blender place the remaining cup of milk, the room temperature chocolate mixture, and the ice. Blend on high speed until smooth and the consistency of a frozen daiquiri. Pour into a giant goblet and top with whipped cream and chocolate shavings. Enjoy with a spoon or a straw.. or both!

Sources: Recipe by Epicurious; Photos by From Me To You

10 Beautiful Home Office Designs

2011-10-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

Source: Chic Tip

Touché

2011-10-30T04:17:00.000+08:00

Me: Grabe, how did this happen? How did I still get a 2.5 in P.I. 100? I used up all my allowable absences and missed a lot of activities because of it; I'm pretty sure I failed both the long exams. What happened?

Ali: I know what happened. God's grace.

On the Foolishness of Youth

2011-10-24T03:07:00.001+08:00

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

Indeed, hindsight is 20/20. :-)

I had an extremely insightful (albeit endlessly funny) and random conversation with my friend Mark just now. Yes, as "centered" or "mature" we may seem now (at least I'd like to believe so, LOL), we used to be as selfish, immature, and boy/girl-crazy as every teenager that walked this planet.

So when times like this come, when we rehash the past and talk about how crazy and stupid we all were back then, we just laugh about it. How crazy and stupid, you may ask? Well, to wit: When I was a teenager, I thought my "love life" was a big deal. I thought my crush not liking me back was the worst thing that could happen to anyone.

Now I'm about to turn 21.. and can't believe I used to think that way!

Don't get me wrong though; I'm not trivializing anyone's pain. Especially the ones teenagers think are a big deal. Thankfully, being a youth minister allowed me to look beyond my own biases and convictions and allowed me to see people as opposed to seeing their seemingly "silly" and "foolish" circumstances. After all, I've been there! I've been silly and foolish!

I guess it's just true that wisdom comes with age. Now, I have a clear picture of what a godly relationship is supposed to be like, but that doesn't mean I should impose that picture on anyone, let alone the youth that we're leading now.

My only prayer is that they (the youth) will let God step in and turn these heartaches and disappointments into something more. Looking back, I now understand why God allowed me to feel the pain of losing someone I've been attached to, someone I thought was going to marry me one day. It was God disciplining me. It was Him teaching me a very valuable lesson, something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. And it only made me stronger, wiser and more mature. It was a long, difficult process, but it was worth it.

It reminded me of that episode on Lost, where Locke was trying to wean Charlie off of heroin.. and he used a very beautiful metaphor to explain to Charlie why he needed to go through the struggle of withdrawal.

Locke: (to teach Charlie, who is struggling through heroin withdraw, a lesson) What do you suppose is in that cocoon, Charlie?
Charlie: I don't know... a butterfly, I guess.
Locke: No, it's much more beautiful than that. That's a moth cocoon. It's ironic -- butterflies get all the attention, but moths, they spin silk. They're stronger. They're faster.
Charlie: That's wonderful, but...
Locke: You see this little hole? This moth's just about to emerge. It's in there right now, struggling. It's digging it's way through the thick hide of the cocoon. Now, I could help it -- take my knife, gently widen the opening, and the moth would be free -- but it would be too weak to survive. Struggle is nature's way of strengthening it. Now this is the second time you've asked me for your drugs back... ask me again, and it's yours.

It was God trying to wean me off of things (and people) that I don't need. God allowed me to struggle, and in the end the struggle strengthened me. It was Him impressing upon my heart that God is everything I need, and His is all I need to be.

Yes, being in youth ministry is seeing young people go through the struggles of adolescence, first cuts and mishaps of young love.. but I hope and pray that they will look at us, their Ate's and Kuya's, and see that we all survived fine. :-)

Yes, we all survived fine. And that is exactly what my friend Mark and I are realizing now:

I guess what I'm really taking away from all these, is that I am so grateful that God changed me all throughout these years. I am no longer the boy-crazy, insecure teenage girl who looked for love in all the wrong places. I am His project.. and He never fails. We're all His projects. And He isn't done with us yet. :-)

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

On Being a Single Mother

2011-10-22T02:23:00.000+08:00

This is in response to a question I received a few months ago. The question is this: Would I ever consider having kids out of wedlock, because a husband can leave his wife, but a child would never leave his/her mother. This question caught my attention once more because that friend brought it up again to me while we were chatting on Facebook just now. I decided to write a blog to set the record straight and hopefully, to explain my opinion on the matter as simply, wax poetically and articulately as I possibly can, what with my finite knowledge and expertise.

Okay. I'm going to be honest here. When I was first asked this question, I was devastated and heartbroken. Not for me, but for the world. It saddens me that there are people who think this way, because I know with every fiber of my being, that God loves us and that He offers us life to the fullest. And that includes not just kids, but a happily ever after with someone. And that's how it should be -- husband, wife, kids.

Here's the thing about me though: I always freak people out when I say that even though I'm not sure marriage is for me, I am sure I will have kids someday via adoption. I'm generally surrounded by a lot of, for lack of a better term, traditional people, and obviously the ideal scenario is a husband, a wife, and children. That's how God designed it. Marriage was His idea, after all. And that's what I want too, if that's what God wants for me.

But right now, at this point in my life, I can't deny that the (again, for lack of a better term) liberal feminist in me, is toying with the idea of adopting, with or without a husband. This is something I've been discussing at length with my mother recently, and she has already given her full support and blessing. She actually told me, "When you're single and 25, and God is giving you a burden to take on the responsibility of raising a child who would otherwise have no parents, no one should stop you from obeying and doing His will and providing a good life for that child. The fact that you don't have a husband shouldn't stop you either. And if afterwards you end up finding a godly man who can accept that you have an adopted child, and can love that child as much as you do, then go for it!" (Yes, my mom is awesome like that.)

I've said this before and I'll say it again: Some of the best people I know came from single-parent families. Is a single-parent family life ideal? No, it's not. But sometimes people are given no options and this is the only choice they're left with. Often women find themselves alone and raising children through no fault of their own. Like everything in life, they just made the best out of the situation they were in.

The Bible does not directly address this matter, but I don't think God looks down on single parents.

After all, wasn't Jesus gentle with ALL women He encountered, whether they were single, married, divorced (several times!) and widowed? God's gentleness, goodness and grace apply whether a mother is single or married or widowed or divorced. Clearly, He loves everyone.

Most importantly, as long as it is not my own sin that has resulted in single motherhood, then everything's fair game, right?

Bottom line: Yes, I would consider single parenting. I don't think it's an ideal situation, but if I don't get married, adopting kids to raise isn't out of the picture. Yes, growing up without a father would be difficult, but gaining a male figure to look up to won't be difficult. After all, they will still have men to look up to in their lives -- my brother, my grandfather, my uncles.

(Now that I've read everything I've written, I don't even know why I'm writing about something so personal in here. LOL. But then again, I need to set the record straight once and for all, so..)

Song of the Day: Inside Out by Emmy Rossum

2011-10-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

Unsew my seams, look inside if you dare
Do you still like what you're seeing now

Secrets and sins
All exposed, spilling out
Am I still safe here on this fragile ground

Inside out before you now
Bare these bones and lay me down
This suicide feels so alive
Will you take me as I am
Inside out

Moving in silence
Feel the rush hold me down
Is this too real
What you're feeling now

Ecstasy rising
Giving in, no thinking
Love, will you save me
Or just turn away

Inside out before you now
Bare these bones and lay me down
This suicide feels so alive
Will you take me as I am
Inside out

Up on this highway
Might just come crashing down
Reach out for me because I am

Inside out before you now
Bare these bones and lay me down
This suicide feels so alive
Will you take me as I am
Inside out

Lily Collins for Teen Vogue!

2011-10-17T23:29:00.001+08:00

Photography: Paola Kudacki

Fashion Editor: Lawren Howell

I've always loved her! She's gorgeous, stylish, classy and British. She's everything I want to be! Heehee. Just kidding. (But not really, haha!)

Can't wait for the Mortal Instruments movies! She and Jamie Bower Campbell are going to rock playing Clary and Jace. :-)

(Source: teenvogue.com)

Para Kay Bettina (UPDATED)

2011-10-11T18:37:00.003+08:00

"Here is the proposition: May quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Kasama ka ba sa quota?"

DISCLAIMER: The blog title is not narcissistic. It's just a play on the fact that a lot of my friends (who are not from UPLB) kept asking me when we were promoting, if the "B" in "Para Kay B" meant Bettina. And I wanted a personalized title, so sue me. (Yeah alright, I guess the title is a little narcissistic. Heehee.) And also, there's a bit of over-sharing in this entry. Heehee. I just feel like I need to get this off my chest so I can finally move on. All good things must come to an end, after all. :-)

I am listening to the "Para Kay B" soundtrack as I type this. Alapaap by Eraserheads in classical guitar, very melancholic. And bittersweet.

Melancholic. Bittersweet. Painful. Euphoric. Purgation of emotions. Elated. Real. These are the words that best describe my "Para Kay B" experience. It's no secret that this is my first prod in months, and I can't deny that I was hesitant to be part of this one. On the one hand, I liked that my job didn't require me to be in every rehearsal, and the fact that I got to create and not be part of the staff (even though I would have loved to be the SM or lights/sounds boardman, or even a set changer -- I love being part of the backstage staff!).

Last October 5-7, we staged Ricky Lee's critically acclaimed novel, "Para Kay B." My mentors Kuya Eljay Deldoc and Sir Ron Biñas adapted and directed, respectively. I was tasked to design the costumes.

Designing costumes is no easy feat. In theater, clothes reveal the character and the play itself. Many factors go into costume design, because each costume must reflect and establish the character's personality, social and economic status, lifestyle, age, etc. A costume designer should be a visual artist, fashion designer, stylist and psychoanalyst all rolled into one. And of course, there has to be a unifying theme -- so the designer should be really good at concepts and should have a background in color symbolism and theory. Add to that the fact that the costumes have to gel with the rest of the scenic (lights and set) design. So you can just imagine my trepidation when Sir Ron invited me to do it (he initially asked me to work on the sound design, but then we decided that I do costumes instead)! I was scared out of my wits.

But again, it's all about grabbing opportunities in theater, because once the moment's gone, you can't take it back. It's all in the moment. So I decided to take one huge leap of faith and chose to believe that I was able to do what I needed to do even when I doubted my abilities. And I'd like to believe that I was able to do my job. After all, it was God's grace that pulled me through! :-)

The rest, as they say, is history.

There is something about this production that's so hard for me to leave behind. It's not just the new friendships I built (and I built a lot; everyone was so friendly, professional and welcoming!). It's also not just because I love prod work. I think there's something about this play, the story itself, that really struck a nerve within me.

Here's why.

I've always had a very unorthodox view of romantic relationships (read this entry to find out what I'm talking about!) and I think a lot of people raise their eyebrows at them, mainly because it's a very realistic view. Some might even call it cynical. But I still stand by them anyway, because most of my beliefs about relationships were simply imparted to me by people who are wiser and more mature than I am.

I have had romantic entanglements in my day, for sure. But those "relationships" (I'm not sure I should even call them that) were so painful that I conveniently forgot about them. Forced amnesia, as they say. And I never looked back.

But being part of this production, immersing myself in the story, getting inside the characters' heads.. this story really got under my skin.

Probably because if I did believe in the quota (which I don't), I know na hindi ako kasama. At least not now.

There's a part of me that can identify with Irene -- her naïveté, her purity, her innocence, her desire for a real Prince Charming (and having someone specific in mind to fill the princely shoes!). But loving someone at the wrong time is always painful. And I think everyone of us has their own version of Jordan -- "the one that got away." I also have an Erika side -- the one who has a hard time feeling anything -- no kilig, no crushes, having absolutely no desire for a relationship. Then once we do feel something, it's too late. And I also think that there is a Bessie in all of us -- (no, not the nymphomaniac side) but the fact that we can all be afraid of commitment or that one decision to lay down our life for just one person. It doesn't matter if it's in our nature or if what was done to us was so despicable, so unforgivable, that we ended up closing ourselves off emotionally -- regardless of the cause, I think a lot of people have the tendency to be afraid of feeling something real.

I am also a Lucas. Like him, I can be an eternal optimist when I want to be. At one point in my life, I suffered from messianic syndrome, thinking I could save the man I thought I loved from going off the rails. Much like Lucas, I thought I could "fix" my Bessie. But I couldn't. I can only thank God for pulling me back to reality, otherwise I would not have stopped trying.

I attended 5 out of 6 shows.. and I kid you not, I cried in every single one of them. Simply because when I look at the characters, it's like I'm looking in the mirror. I am B.

I think all art should reflect real life. And "Para Kay B" does just that through the use of metafiction and magic realism. It's blunt, it's truthful, it doesn't sugarcoat anything. It shows us that loving is painful. It's devastating. (The title of the novel, after all, is "Para Kay B: O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-ibig ang 4 out of 5 Sa Atin.")

But that's part of love, isn't it? Difficulty. It's how we react to it being difficult that makes the difference and makes us part of the quota. After all, even Apostle Paul said that love "always trusts, always hopes, always protects, always perseveres." You don't do those things if love is easy, right? Why persevere if you're not having a difficult time? If that's the case, it should be, "Love chills." But it's not. Love is hard. Opening yourself up to real love is hard. It's also a choice... much like happiness.

Which means we can all be part of the quota, because we can CHOOSE to be.

More importantly, I'm not afraid I'm not "part of the quota" just because I'm single. With God in my life, I have everything I need and more. And I look forward to the good things He has for me... whether or not that includes a man in my future. :-)

Memorable quotes from the play:

"Hindi niya kailanman mahahanap ang babae dahil ang totoong hindi niya mahanap ay ang kanyang sarili."

"Pero merong isa sa lima, harangan man ng kulog, ng ganid, ng lindol, ng teknolohiya, mahahanap niya ang kanyang mahal. Siya lang ang magiging maligaya."

"Habang nakikita mo ang bawat detalye ng lahat ng nadadaanan mo, basurahang umaapaw, naglileak na aircon, floor mop sa may hagdan... ay parang sumpang humahalo dito ang mga detalye ng nakaraan... pilat sa leeg, pulang ribbon sa buhok, cheap watch sa ilalim ng tulay, isang pangakong narinig ng buong San Ildefonso."

"Unang beses ko pa lang makita si Jake, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na siya ang lalaking mamahalin ko. Hindi ko man alam kung paano, saksi ko noon ang kulog at kidlat."

"Napatigil si Bessie. Umahon ako agad at nilapitan siya. Nakatayo lang si Bessie, hindi gumagalaw, parang may pinaglalabanang emosyon sa mukha. Hindi ko alam kung ulan o luha na ang nasa mukha niya. Hindi ko alam kung anuman ang masakit na bigla niyang naalala."

"Prangkahin nga kita, gusto mo ba talagang maging writer? Ang writer sa Pilipinas walang nagbabasa, walang rumerespeto, walang pera!"

"Hinanap ko si Irene na parang hinahanap ko ang nawawala kong pagkatao."

Some behind the scenes pictures courtesy of my friend Jonri Manuel:

With friends -- both old and new!

I love the backstage girls!

It's an honor to have met Sir Ricky Lee! The bigger honor? That he loved the play! :-) So humbling.

Serious actors only wear black. Just ask the Oscar roundtable. ;-)

Costume designer in action.

A lot of people are asking for scene shots (since they want to see the clothes) but the official photographer hasn't uploaded them yet! I'll post them here once he does.

Goodbye and thank you, Para Kay B. Pinasaya mo ako ulit. Lord, why is theater so addicting? Thank You for Your rich incomparable grace that enabled me to do my job. :-)

Additional photos courtesy of our two Erica's: Inah Solacito and Dane Javier.


We transformed a classroom into a boxed theatre.

Curtain call with Sir Ricky Lee.

From Broken to Beautiful

2011-10-09T21:59:00.016+08:00

There is a scene from the Disney movie, Beauty and the Beast, where Cogsworth says, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." As I got older, I realized that there is some truth to the adage. Sometimes in our walk with God, we need to allow Him to break us so that He can truly "fix" us.

Have you ever felt broken?

Brokenness is what we feel after extreme disappointment. People and events in life may disappoint us and leave us feeling beyond repair. It is these seasons wherein God has to strip away certain things from us. And it hurts. A lot. It's confusing for us to know that the God who loves us would allow us to experience such pain and sorrow. Often we end up questioning Him, and at times even doubting if He is still with us. Times like these are heart-wrenching and leave us with that heavy feeling in our gut.

But does God want us to stay broken?

Most definitely not. The end-goal is not brokenness. God simply uses our brokenness to draw us into a journey of healing, restoration, hope and greater things.

Thankfully, our emotions are not always right. Just because we can't feel God's presence, doesn't mean He is not with us. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that,

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

It is in times of brokenness that we must raise our swords and fight for our relationship with Christ. The enemy uses brokenness to make us feel like God has abandoned us. To make us believe we are hopeless, alone, and beyond repair is one of the enemy's great lies. So despite the heaviness in your heart, you must open your Bible and start claiming every promise you can find. Get down on your knees and cry out for God like never before. When we fight for something, we declare that it is valuable to us. When we choose to silence our emotions and fight to feel God's presence in our lives, we show Him how desperately we need Him and it allows Him to step in and heal our brokenness.

As I look back, the many times in my young life when I felt broken are now distant memories. In fact, I hardly remember the feelings of pain and hurt. But, believe me, the feeling of being rescued by Jesus from that pit are kept fresh and alive in my heart. You see, the wonderful thing about God's grace is that He doesn't just fix our broken hearts. God restores and God redeems us.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
1 Peter 5:10

How can brokenness be beautiful?

To take it a step further, I've found that God will even use our stories of brokenness to bring comfort and hope to those around us. It is from our experiences of heartache that we will find ourselves ministering to others. God is faithful and He loves to turn our brokenness into beautiful stories of victory, hope, and inspiration. In the end, we find ourselves more like Christ and much more in love with our Heavenly Father.

My prayer is that we would all go to God with our brokenness and allow Him to turn it into something beautiful.

Let God fix you! :-)

Song of My Heart: The Greatness of Our God by Hillsong

2011-10-08T13:01:00.002+08:00

Give me eyes to see more of who You are
May what I behold still my anxious heart
Take what I have known and break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still

No sky contains
No doubt restrains
All You are
The greatness of our God
I spend my life to know
And I'm far from close
To all You are
The greatness of our God

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here
To believe that there is nothing left to fear
That You alone are high above it all
For You my God, are greater still

And there is nothing that can ever separate us
There is nothing that can ever separate us from Your love
No life, no death, of this I am convinced
You my God, are greater still

And no words can say, or song convey
All You are the greatness of our God
I spend my life to know
And I'm far from close
To all You are
the greatness of our God

Wild at Heart

2011-09-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

"You can't fight a battle you don't think exists."

"We give a half-hearted attempt at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is that we 'ought' to. But we'll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we're history if we don't."

"The barrenness of Eve you can never hope to fill. She needs God more than she needs you, just as you need Him more than you need her."

"In the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

"Most messages for men ultimately fail. The reason is simple. They ignore what is deep and true to a man’s heart, his real passions, and simply try to shape him up through various forms of pressure."

"If a man is ever to find out who he is and what he is here for, he has got to take that journey for himself. He has got to get his heart back."

"Even if he can't put it into words, every man is haunted by the question, 'Am I really a man? Have I got what it takes.. when it counts?'"

"What do you see in the lives of the men that you work with, live by, go to church alongside? Are they full of passionate freedom? Do they fight well? Are their women deeply grateful for how well their men have loved them? Are their children radiant with affirmation? The idea is almost laughable, if it weren't so tragic. Men have been taken out right and left. Scattered across the neighborhood lie the shattered lives of men (and women) who have died at a soul level from the wounds they've taken. You've heard the expression, 'he's a shell of a man?' They have lost heart. Many more are alive, but badly wounded. They are trying to crawl forward, but are having an awful time getting their lives together; they seem to keep taking hits. You know others who are already captives, languishing in prisons of despair, addiction, idleness, or boredom. The place looks like a battlefield, the Omaha Beach of the soul."

"Don't climb on that, don't break anything, don't be so aggressive, don't be so noisy, don't be so messy, don't take such crazy risks. But God's design–-which he placed in boys as the picture of himself–-is a resounding yes. Be fierce, be wild, be passionate." (I actually remembered Elijah when I read this! And the next quote too..)

"The recipe for fun is pretty simple raising boys: add to any activity an element of danger, stir in a little exploration, add a dash of destruction, and you've got yourself a winner. The way they ski is a perfect example. Get to the top of the highest run, point your skis straight downhill and go, the faster the better. And this doesn't end with age; the stakes simply get higher."

"Yes. True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own."

"The spiritual life begins with the acceptance of our wounded self."

"A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on himself. He himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other." C.S. Lewis

Wait For Your Boaz

2011-09-16T21:43:00.001+08:00

To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married,

A piece of Biblical advice: "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz."

While you are waiting on your Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Broke-az, Poo-az, Lying-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin BeatinYO-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects YOaz!

(All credit goes to Pastor Julius Fabregas who quoted Pastor Bruce Ho on Biblical Dating.)

:-)

Song of the Day: Rise and Stand by Citipointe Live

2011-09-15T23:42:00.004+08:00

I will rise and stand
I will lift my hands
Holding high the cross that saves the lost

I will lift Your name
I will not be ashamed
I will give my life
To the cause of Jesus Christ "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you;
Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."
Isaiah 26:8

On Forsaking Your First Love

2011-09-14T18:34:00.001+08:00

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet, I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love."

Revelation 2:2-4

Yes, it's possible to "do everything right" and still forsake your First Love. And that's a scary (not to mention dangerous and, sadly, common) trap--to be so busy with doing the work without it actually coming from a place that genuinely loves God and does everything out of the overflow of that love.

I am so thankful that God made me realize this recently: If you have not given your heart to Him, you have not given Him anything at all.

As Spurgeon once said at the pulpit: "I feel that tonight I will condemn myself; and my prayer before I entered this pulpit was, that I might boldly discharge my duty, that I might deal honestly with my own heart, and that I might preach, being aware that I am the chief offender, and that each one of you, in your own way have also offended in this respect, even though none of you so grievously as I have.

I pray that God the Holy Spirit, through his renewing grace, may apply the Word, not merely to your hearts, but to mine as well, that I may return to my First Love, and that you may return with me."

May we all have the humility to ask God to search our hearts, and to allow Him to invade our lives, consume our thoughts, and set our hearts ablaze once more. After all, we can't set our own hearts on fire--only God can do that, if we only humble ourselves enough to ask Him. His grace is more than enough.

Less of me. More of You, Lord.

Abbie-Approved Bands

2011-09-12T08:57:00.003+08:00

Dear Formspring question asker,

This entry is in response to your question. Why anyone would ask for music recommendations from me, I have no idea. The things I listen to are too obscure, and probably really weird for some people.

I would add songs too, but I'm too lazy right now, LOL. Please just look at the "Song of the Day" tag in this blog. I strongly recommend you listen to those songs because those are some of my favorite; there's a reason I bothered to blog about them. :-)

Boy and Bear

Brother

City and Colour

Foster the People

James Blake

Little Red

Phantogram

The Civil Wars

The Middle East

Wakey!Wakey!

Wye Oak

Hope this helps! Enjoy the new iPod!

Love,
Abbie

Song of the Day: Carry You Home by Nashville Skyline

2011-09-08T18:45:00.000+08:00

I know you think that you've been down,
You never know when things will turn around, turn around..

Seriously one of the best songs I've ever heard in my life. I don't care what my future groom says, THIS will be my wedding song. ♥

On Asking the Right Questions

2011-09-01T09:07:00.001+08:00

"Most of us have been misinterpreting life and what God is doing for a long time... We're asking the wrong questions. Most of us are asking, 'God, why did you let this happen to me?' Or, 'God, why won't you just..' (fill in the blank--help me succeed, get my kids to straighten out, fix my marriage--you know what you've been whining about). But to enter into a journey of initiation with God requires a new set of questions. What are you trying to teach me here? What issues in my heart are you trying to raise through this? What is it you want me to see? What are you asking me to let go of? In truth, God has been trying to initiate you for a long time. What is in the way is how you've mishandled your wound and the life you've constructed as a result."

John Eldgredge, Wild at Heart

How "Midnight in Paris" Taught Me to Love My Era

2011-08-26T12:05:00.004+08:00

WARNING: If you plan on watching this movie and don't want to be spoiled in any way, shape or form, then for the love of all things good and true, DON'T READ THIS ENTRY. :-)

"No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms grace under pressure."

"We all fear death and question our place in the universe. The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. You have a clear and lively voice; don't be such a defeatist."

"It was a good book because it was an honest book, and that's what war does to men. And there's nothing fine and noble about dying in the mud unless you die gracefully. And then it's not only noble but brave."

"All men fear death. It's a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven't loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have never conquered before, you have conquered a great woman's heart, the most vulnerable thing she can offer to another. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness you will feel immortal."

"Nostalgia is denial -- denial of the painful present.. the name for this denial is golden age thinking -- the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one's living in. It's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present."

Gil: That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life's a little unsatisfying.
Adriana: That's the problem with writers. You are so full of words.

It's official: Woody Allen is now my favorite (living) director, right above Christopher Nolan, Darren Aronofsky, David Fincher and Peter Jackson.

Midnight in Paris is witty. It's far from original, for sure, but the formula is so freshly done and presented in such a different way that the movie is like a blast of cold, fresh air in a time of bad romantic comedies and cinematic clichés.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I think what sets Woody Allen apart is from other directors is that his views on the world (art, history, society, relationships, etc.) always come out of his movies. There's something about his movies that when you see them, you just sense something distinctly Allen-ish about them.

What I love about this movie is that even though it talks so much about art and life, it does so in a completely non-pretentious way. I think both art scholars and interested laymen will find it stimulating and thought-provoking without overdoing all the existentialist stuff.

I didn't see the twist coming! I watched this movie hoping for a story about a newly engaged couple trying to rekindle their romance in the City of Lights. Man, was I blindsided by what the movie is really about! I was clapping and shouting like mad when he first entered the bar and saw Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. And then he met Hemingway and I was just about ready to have a heart attack. (By the way, I applaud the production for keeping the story under wraps for so long! I'm surprised the plot wasn't leaked to the press at all!)

I have never seen romantic comedy laced with fantasy done so well. :-)

I won't go into detail about the technical because given that it's Woody Allen, that's enough to know that the technique is impeccable. The acting was quite well-done, too. The performances that stood out most to me were Owen Wilson as Gil, Marion Cotillard as Adriana, Kathy Bates as Gertrude Stein, Corey Stoll as Ernest Hemingway and Adrien Brody as Salvador Dalí (he was hilarious!). I don't want to comment on Rachel McAdams on this because as much as I love her, the woman was unlikable as the fiancé. Which means she was probably very good because the character was supposed to be annoying and hard to root for. Heehee.

The writing is so witty, snappy and gracious as always, very Allen. And I swear this movie is just laced with quotable quotes all over the place!

Most of all, this movie made me realize a few things I never would have realized on my own. See, my problem is, I've always felt like I belong in a different time. There's a reason I love period pieces (books, movies, TV shows). I love living vicariously through those mediums. I don't feel like I belong in the digital era at all. My values, my interests.. they all shout "old soul" to me (and to a lot of people who know me).

But after watching this.. I realized that the people of the past (those who I envy for living in the '70s, '60s, heck even the 1800's) probably felt the same way. They were probably attracted to a time before theirs, too. And the character of Gil Pender made me see that. I swear, Woody Allen has a way of taking his audience on a journey. Time and time again I felt like I was Gil, meeting all these legendary writers of the past. I felt like I was the one talking to them in the person of Gil, being that the character is just as nostalgic as me.

Adriana: Let's never go back to the '20s.
Gil: What are you talking about?
Adriana: We should stay here. It's the start of la Belle Epoque. It's the greatest, most beautiful era Paris has ever known.
Gil: What about the '20s, and the Charlestons, the Fitzgeralds and the Hemingways? I love those guys!
Adriana: But it's the present. It's dull.
Gil: Dull? It's not my present. I'm from 2010.

Gil was fascinated with the '20s. Adriana, being from that time era, found it dull and wanted to live in the late 19th century. It's a cycle.

I imagine Audrey Hepburn, Édouard Manet and William Shakespeare wanting to live in a different era, too.

Now, thanks to Midnight in Paris, I will never long to experience a different era again. 5/5.

Here's the trailer if you're interested:

Song of the Day: Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars

2011-08-22T12:55:00.001+08:00

I love artists who bleed for their art. And these duo certainly do.

If you love The Swell Season, you would certainly love The Civil Wars.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you

Crazy, Stupid, Love.. and Fighting For Your "Soulmate"

2011-08-20T21:46:00.009+08:00

Hands down one of the best (if not the best) romantic comedies I've ever seen in my life.

You see, the problem with rom coms is, they've gotten so bad over the years that the audience lost faith in them. I know I did. Gone were the days of good, smart rom coms like The Philadelphia Story, Breakfast at Tiffany's, heck, even My Best Friend's Wedding. Now we have craptastic ones like No Strings Attached and Something Borrowed. Nowadays, I watch the genre expecting to see something that may tug on my little romantic heartstrings a little bit, but certainly not to see something thought-provoking or artistically stimulating.

But today I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love with Belly (it wasn't planned, I love it!) and during the movie's 2-hour run we laughed, we cried, we swooned (over Ryan Gosling mostly, LOL),we sighed.

Most of all, it made me think so much about romantic love and what it really means. (But before we get to that, let's discuss the technical first.)

The movie was so well-done. To wit:

The director took risks with a few shots. But said shots weren't pretentious to the point of looking like some film school project (so many mainstream movies are guilty of this nowadays.. doing artsy shots for the sake of doing them). The first shots of the movie (the ones with the people's shoes and all the flirting) and Gosling's movie star entrance were gorgeous. They worked. Not a single frame was off. My problem is, I can get so OC about awkward shots, bad lighting, goofs and continuity errors sometimes that I tend to get distracted. So how do I know if the technical is well-executed? If I'm focused on the story. And there was not a minute during this movie that I wasn't engaged in what was going on (as opposed to how it was going on).
The acting was impeccable. The chemistry between the actors were undeniable. I particularly loved Steve Carrell and Gosling's bromance. Gosling and Emma Stone were kilig, too. I think Gosling is such an amazing character actor that he turned what would have been a one-dimensional playboy into a man who generates layers of bull around himself everyday in an attempt to not let anyone in. Incredible. Carrell pulls off drama well. The first time Julianne Moore's character told him she wanted a divorce, that was the face of a man whose heart has just been crushed and a ran over by a 10-ton truck. Not to be outdone, the women were very likable too. It was so easy to identify with Moore's character.. I looked at her and saw my own mother. Emma Stone was charming and beautiful as always.
I honestly think we have an Oscar contender in our hands.

Now, for the more juicy stuff.

I don't know about everyone else, but what I want movies to do for me is to reflect real life, like all art should. And that rule does not only apply to realist fiction (I love my fantasy too, y'all!) because even if said fiction had hobbits, mermaids or Aslan in them, they still reflect some universal truth that anyone can relate to. That, my friends, is called "verisimilitude." You know, fact vs. truth. (Thank you, creative writing class in UP! LOL!)

And this movie does just that. I think a lot of young people can relate to having parents who decided to divorce after so many years of marriage, and a lot of older people can identify with the struggle of watching something that you thought was secure in your life fall apart. (I love it when I watch characters that I can feel a certain affinity with, because as a viewer, I need purgation of emotions. It's so cathartic for me. It helps me as an artist who creates, too, because I understand what the audience needs as well.)

A lot of people don't know this about me, but I don't believe in soulmates. I don't believe in that concept because it's not in the Bible (and the Bible is my basis for everything). I do, however, believe in love. Not the fairytale, grand gesture, "it's all bed of roses" romantic crap, but love.

L-O-V-E. The kind that never gives up. The kind that isn't based on emotion or whatever "feels" right.

I believe that love is a decision; not an emotion. Love is a conscious act of the will. And that belief was only solidified when I watched this movie.

In the film, Carrell and Moore are in the brink of a divorce, and somewhere someone slipped the line, "I should not have jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soulmate." And that is love, I think. Fighting for your soulmate. (I only choose to use that godforsaken word for lack of a better term.) For the record, I don't think the universe or destiny gives us our "soulmate." We choose them, and we decide with every fiber of our being to love them, even in their most unlovable state. I remember one time, I had dinner with a few friends from church. We were talking about romance and what-not, and someone asked our pastor, "Pastor, how do we know if someone is The One?" Then he told us that anyone can be Mr. or Ms. Right. Anyone can be The One, we just have to make a conscious decision to love him/her and to set him/her apart as most important in our life.

I believe that true love allows us to set another person as most important. True love equips us to be patient and to persevere. True love allows a man to drive his wife/girlfriend somewhere when he would rather sleep. True love helps a girl protect her husband/boyfriend always, so she wouldn't gossip about him to her friends when he's being an ass. A man who has set aside his girl as most important in his life would never cheat, because he knows that his wife/girlfriend's value can't be compromised. A woman would never ask a man for a divorce just because she feels unhappy or because she thinks "they've changed" (and it goes both ways too).

This, my friends, is romance.

And all those things I just wrote, this is how I know I am absolutely not ready to be with anyone just yet. :-) I know that I'm not in the point in my life where I know in my heart of hearts that I am prepared to set another person aside as most important.

When did I think about all this? After watching Crazy, Stupid, Love. Yep. So I suggest you watch it too. 5/5.

Here's the trailer if you want to check it out:

P.S. I also discovered an amazing band from the film! They sound so much like Bon Iver! They're called The Middle East. Yes, they're a band, and a pretty good one at that.

Jolie on Inside the Actors Studio

2011-08-17T11:27:00.001+08:00

While looking for the James Franco episode I stumbled upon this and watched it again (probably the third time).. what an extraordinary artist. What an extraordinary woman.

I ended up re-watching the Natalie Portman, Johnny Depp and Robert Downey, Jr. episodes too. I seriously love this show! Very educational. People who act or even direct (whether on screen or on stage) should really check it out.

Quotable Quotes

On therapy: "I found it quite manipulating and a bit simple... there isn't some simple answer. It wasn't good for me."

On deciding to be an actor: "I went to the Strasberg Institute when I was 16. I had a desperate need, like most artists do, to communicate... to feel that whatever it is inside me, whether it's cutting or going crazy, whatever I'm feeling... there's something inside of us that (makes us) want to reach out (and) talk to each other. We want to throw our emotions and our thoughts up in the hope that we'll make some sense or get some answers. And the best way to do it is to just emote and hope that there would be a response."

On creating characters: "I think there is a part in every character that you are going to evolve into that you are not yet."

On instinct and being in the moment: "I think it's just being who you are... to feel what you feel, to be honest. Living in honesty with yourself and those around you and just... alive. Just completely alive."

From Damsel-in-Distress to Warrior Princess

2011-08-16T00:50:00.001+08:00

Now, more than ever, I consider myself a warrior princess – one that was saved from the evils that once held me captive. And the knight in shining armor of my story is Jesus. Hands down, the sweetest thing a Guy ever did for me was to lay down His life for me to rescue me from my sins. Is there a love greater than this? I don't think so.

I know there is a reason He did. I know He has a destiny for me and a terrific purpose to live out. Now I intend to live my life with the insatiable pursuit of developing myself to the maximum of my potential so I can help others do the same. And maybe, just maybe, make a difference in the world, no matter how small. I want to live out the principles that my mom taught me – to stand for justice, to fight for those who can't fight for themselves, to leave a lasting impact in society. And I don't need a seat in public office to do so. I can just choose to be a blessing to others everywhere I go. I want to be used mightily in the places He will send me.

I am a warrior princess. And this is my battle cry: "Here I am! Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)

– An excerpt from my P.I. 100 autobiography entitled Bettina Esguerra: Princess in Disguise

Road to Redemption

2011-08-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

That's when I realized that my heart was longing for things that nothing and no one in this earth could ever satisfy. I will never claim that my life is perfect now because it isn't – it's far from it. But Jesus does not promise a storm-free life. He offers a storm-proof one. And now, having Him at the center of everything I do, I've never felt stronger, more joyful or useful in my entire life.

– An excerpt from my P.I. 100 autobiography entitled Bettina Esguerra: Princess in Disguise

Hyde and Jackie

2011-08-15T14:42:00.000+08:00

I want a guy who would give me his favorite Led Zeppelin shirt without any hesitation. That is all.

Song of the Day: Somebody by Depeche Mode

2011-08-15T08:41:00.000+08:00

It's an '80s music kind of day. Deep stuff. I remember my brother teaching me how to play this on the piano when I was a kid.

Song of the Day: Back to You by John Mayer

2011-08-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on for me too

Unexplainable vs. Undeniable

2011-08-04T11:27:00.003+08:00

My faith is this:
I believe in Jesus.
Though there are things on this earth that
I will never understand,

I continue to live knowing in my heart that the Lord I serve
is real,
is mighty,
is just.

I may not be able to answer all the theological questions of the inquiring, the cynical
and those of the finest intellects,
but I know in my heart
I am blessed.

I love my faith because it finally allows me to answer,
"I don't know," and its alright.

That is faith for me.
I'm sure about this: I have hope for and certain of what I do not see.
This I can't deny: Jesus rescued me from my sins.

I can't explain everything,
but I can't deny that there is a God and that He loves you and me. :-)

(Thanks to Defining Moments, a preaching series by Andy Stanley! And thanks also to Ate Nica who recommended it.)

Our LTS Kids

2011-07-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

Kuya Jay and Ate Danna teaching Math.

Danna with her favorite preschooler Francis!

Kuya Jay still teaching.

The kids we love.

Kids with Kuya Jay and Ate Danna.

With Ate Danna and Ate Bettina.

Our other co-teacher, Jeo, isn't in the pics because he was absent that day.. maybe next time. :-)

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead." Brooke Fraser, Albertine

This Too Shall Pass

2011-07-27T10:05:00.000+08:00

I am not in a perfect relationship with God because I am flawed. I doubt. I wrestle. And I question Him most of the time. I run, and time and time again I stumble. I speak but I struggle. I serve and obey but I still get confused. I declare light but there are times when it feels like I'm in a dark night.

These are moments that a lot of people would not want to be in. It's hard to follow Jesus sometimes, with the world that we live in now. It's never easy to break the norm and deviate from what seems acceptable and comfortable to many.

But I'd rather deviate than conform. For what does conformity bring but a passive heart and a deceived mind? As Alice Cooper once said, "Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's real rebellion."

Today God is teaching me that setting yourself apart can be a wearisome task. (Boy, is it a wearisome task!) But I'd rather fight to live a consecrated lifestyle than blend with the rest of the world.

As I wrestle with God, I am discovering one of the most beautiful things about true Christianity -- experiencing God in the most real and personal way. The way I feel.. it feels like an exhilarating ride at an amusement park, where I can scream as much as I can as the tension grows in every flip and turn. It describes how I feel every time I come to Him for answers and receive a completely different response than the one I was hoping for. But so far, it has been the most life-changing portion of my story.

You can never box Christianity in a set of do's and don'ts because it is a relationship that grows in honesty and humility. Becoming vulnerable in God's presence allows you to be captivated by Him.

I know this too shall pass for He is good. But while I'm still here, what I want is not perfection but realness with Him. Today I choose obedience. I also choose joy. Everyday, I will choose joy. Everyday, I will remind myself of how faithful God has been to me. No matter how bad my day goes, I know that in the grand scheme of things, I'm okay. I am more than okay. That after all these trials are over, I'll love Him more and more. Not because of who I am and what I can do for God, but because of who He is, what He has done and continues to do in my life.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." Nehemiah 8:10

The Dark Knight Rises Teaser!

2011-07-22T08:06:00.001+08:00

How awesome is this going to be? MORE THAN AWESOME, I tell you. :-) Excitement! And this cast.. wow. Just, wow. Why isn't 2012 here yet?!

Check out The Amazing Spider-Man trailer here.

No Fear. No, Sir.

2011-07-18T18:32:00.002+08:00

It's a wonderful thing to be able to laugh at life in the face of uncertainties and disheartening situations. Only not a lot of people can do it nowadays, because life gets tougher and tougher everyday.

While I was reading the Bible this morning, my heart was warmed all over again when Sarah finally gave birth to Isaac in her very golden (a.k.a. old) age and she said that she was able to laugh!

When we remember how God comes through for us continuously and without fail, we will no longer be afraid, we will literally laugh in the face of DANGER! HA HA HA HA! (Thanks, Simba!)

Unlimited God

If you know in your heart that the God you serve is an unlimited God, you can laugh at life, what with all its hurts and troubles, and still feel filled with security and hope in your heart despite all the difficult circumstances you go through. I guess this is why I am so puzzled as to why some people find it impossible to look at life this way.

Because once we do look at life this way, other people can and will be encouraged when they see us and our hope and happy outlook on life.

Laughter is Contagious

Because yes, laughter is contagious! Everyone who found out that Sarah did really end up having a baby after waiting for so long, laughed (I'm guessing they laughed at the timing of it all) and SHARED HER HAPPY MOMENT AND HER JOY!

When people examine how we have put our trust and hope about every area of our lives (be it career, family, health, friendships, love life, etc.) entirely in God’s hands, they will wonder and try to grasp what it is exactly that allows you to face life in such a seemingly light-hearted manner.

Laughter is contagious.. and so is negativity.

To be fair though, I am NOT trying to appear carefree or nonchalant about life, as if nothing affects me. I DO HAVE FEARS and INSECURITIES, lots of them. There are moments when I'm scared about the future. It's just that despite all these limitations, my security surpasses my fears.

MY SECURITY THAT GOD CAN AND WILL COME THROUGH FOR ME KICKS THE BUTT OUT OF MY FEARS AND INSECURITIES. :-)

A Motherly Reminder

My mom reminded me the other day sometimes what separates the truly happy people and the unhappy people in this world is their ability to have hope. I think that's true. The real divide is when somebody can look at everything happening around the world, along with his present circumstances, and still be secure, have a strong heart with faith and HOPE increasing daily. Whereas others will roll their eyes and wonder where the world is coming to and when our impending doom will finally put an end to this world, along their own lives, because they simply can't endure it any longer.

So.. where can we find hope?

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." Psalm 62:5

To be honest, I struggle every now and then, but when I see and read stories like Sarah's in the Bible (and there are a lot of them in there! If you read the Bible, you'll see how God came through for His people over and over again), I continue on through each month of this year in constant serenity and security. I feel bold. I feel confident. I feel my faith growing. I feel grateful. I feel victorious. I feel strong!

Okay, moving on to a super awesome personal example of how God comes through!

Be Encouraged

THIS SEMESTER I GOT A PART TIME JOB! What's amazing is that I didn't really put in so much effort. I wasn't even praying for it anymore. I knew that I was going through what I love to call the Extended Syndrome (when someone doesn't graduate on time, heehee) and I was jealous of my batch mates who already have jobs and earning their own money. I was slowly getting over said syndrome, when my friend Audrey told me all about this tutoring program. It almost appears that the job sought ME out. I can't really say anything short of GOD LITERALLY SLAPPED THE JOB INTO MY HANDS. I have been praying for a job that I'd be happy in, something that will help me earn a few extra bucks (so my ego won't hurt that much, heehee), something that I'd enjoy. And I am enjoying it. Plus the time is flexible, so it doesn't really take time away from me doing schoolwork too!

GOD IS AWESOME, YO! BE ENCOURAGED! Wait upon the Lord, and do so with expectations because God will fulfill them all.

"Sarah said, 'God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me!'" Genesis 21:6

Clearing My Mind

2011-07-17T23:36:00.001+08:00

Clearing my mind. ~~A mind full of deadlines, to do's, dates, forgotten to-do's, projects, Spanish conjugations, speeches, readings, other less important things to fit in, gregjtyjrytvjkosdjgkwgjkw.~~ New to-do list:

Chill. Think of nothing first.
Talk to God. Let Him take over.
Look at Andrew Garfield desktop wallpaper. Smile.
Work work work. Excellently!
Sleep. Sleep soundly.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

The Amazing Spider-Man First Trailer and Photos! (UPDATED)

2011-07-16T14:37:00.002+08:00

Just because. Andrew Garfield.. le sigh. Need I say more? ♥

With Emma Stone who plays Gwen Stacy! They look good together!

This one is by far my favorite. :-) But.. is it safe to say that Gwen knows Peter is Spider-Man?

So I guess this movie will feature Spidey's mechanical web-shooters.. yep.


With Michael Sheen and Sally Field who play Uncle Ben and Aunt May, respectively.

I CAN'T WAIT! 2012 can't come soon enough. Harry Potter may be ending, but.. so many great franchises are coming our way next year -- The Hunger Games, The Mortal Instruments, the Spider-Man reboot.. next year will be epic, movie-wise. :-)

UPDATE: I'm bummed that they brought in Emma Stone to play Gwen Stacy just to (COMIC SPOILER) kill her in the first movie and have Spidey go insane with rage. I would want Emma to be in the sequels, if they'll happen. :( She should have played Mary Jane instead!

UPDATE #2: I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T SEE THE TRAILER THE MINUTE IT CAME OUT! SKJDKLAHDUIWEHF SJDHJSAKLBCJSAHFUI IT LOOKS SOOOOO GOOD! (Okay, I need to calm myself first before I can give an objective review. LOLOLOLOL.)

Song of the Day: Take Heart by Hillsong United

2011-07-16T09:51:00.001+08:00

There is a light, it burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night and casts no shadow
There is hope should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails

So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again

In death by love
The fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His Name all our fears are swept away
He never fails

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

I love singing along to the last part of this song (you know, that big musical explosion in the end). Okay, more like shouting along to it. Why shouldn't I? In this world I have trouble, but my God has overcome! :-)

Song of the Day: The Times They Are a-Changin' by Bob Dylan

2011-07-12T14:07:00.002+08:00

Come gather 'round people wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon, you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'

Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'

Come senators, congressman, please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall
For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside and it's ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land
And don't criticize what you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
You old road is rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'

The line it is drawn the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'

I love how this song personifies my favorite decade, the '60s. :-)

Recharge

2011-07-04T20:09:00.001+08:00

I love Mondays!

It's the only time I can really reflect on the past week and prepare for the week ahead. More importantly, it's the day I set aside to maintain an attitude of prayer and worship for the entire day, just spending the day with my Lord. That's why Mondays are always so refreshing! Of course I pray and do quiet times everyday, but what makes Monday special is that I never have to worry about school work, classes, etc. I can just focus on resting in God's presence!

I know I can be very distracted, so that's why I need the occasional realigning and setting my priorities. This summer I realized that it has been long since I really, really desired to be quiet and still in the presence of God, with no agenda other than a desire to sit at His feet. That heart check made a whole lot of difference.

Let's all make time to quiet ourselves and seek God. When it's something you decide in your heart to do consistently, you will find yourself longing for God's presence all the time. Mark my words! :-)

June 2011 in Photos

2011-07-02T22:56:00.001+08:00

My semester commences! :-)

Nothing like a little girls' night out to kick off our semester! Had dinner at Tresto (bar, restaurant and all-around party place for UPLB peeps) with my beautiful roommates. (June 17, 2011)

I never let any opportunity to learn about discipleship pass. That's why I attended Wavemakers' Everyday Commission seminar held at CCAC last June 18, 2011. Plus, I met new friends which is always exciting! I always love meeting new people.

Discipleship group and youth fellowship for high school students last June 26, 2011.

Watched Super 8 with mommy! We loved the movie so much! My mom is a huge Spielberg fan (my brother and her are huge fans; Kuya Paul loved E.T. growing up and mommy loved his period films like Schindler's List and The Color Purple) and the movie is practically a two-hour love letter to Spielberg! Nothing beats the combination of adolescents fighting aliens while navigating through life and all its romance angst. Heehee.

I'm really enjoying my semester so far! Loving the fast pace. I love all of my classes too! I have a feeling it's going to be one heck of a wonderful sem and that I have yet to see greater things. I don't have a theatre class right now though, so there's no prod for me this sem.. at least that I know of. ;-)

Panda

2011-06-29T11:29:00.001+08:00

Abbie: I just jogged in Freedom Park for 15 minutes. I feel as fit as a panda!

Lester: But pandas are fat.

Abbie: Exactly. :(

Song of the Day: Devoted by Citipointe Live

2011-06-22T21:59:00.001+08:00

Let's just say this song is my current battlecry. :-)

I'm losing my whole life
In Your purpose and for Your heart's desire
I'm running with blinded eyes
Faith as my guide
Let Your love take flight

For You, all is put aside
All for You and I
Father, it's You I love

I'm devoted to You
Sacred love, my truth
I'm devoted to You
All in all I worship You
I worship You, my Lord..

Precious God
Into Your arms
Without blame I come
Your blood has saved us all..

On Judges

2011-06-20T12:40:00.001+08:00

I was able to catch an episode of Project Runway the other day. It made me realize that in the world of fashion, everyone has a common favorite pastime: judging. It's not just common or accepted — it's natural. How often do we see it in our daily lives? While waiting for professors to come to class, I often hear, "Did you see what _____ was wearing the other day? It looked like a garbage bag!" On worse days, other people's exploits are made light with conversation starters like "I heard _____ did _____ with _____" or "Did you see _____ at _____ the other day? She was so drunk off her ass two people had to carry her out of the place!"

That's when I noticed that when we lay our eyes on something, anything — not just necessarily other people's choice of clothes, our first instinct is to critique it.

For others, to judge is a big fat no-no. It is wrong, inconsiderate, and down right mean. But, for anyone who's tasted it, it is, admittedly and sadly, entertaining.

Why is it entertaining? Because when we shine our judging eyes and spotlight on others, we turn the attention away from our own shortcomings. We then feel no need for self-improvement because "At least I'm not as bad as _____!" which falsely inflates our sense of confidence and worth. It's easy to point out a fashion crime, social boo-boo, and at times, even character flaws and a person’s rough edges because we've become more inclined to focus on other people's mistakes and shame because by doing so we "uplift" ourselves.

If you're like me and you have your own fair share of not-so-great moments, come and sit with me as I remind myself of the true definition of "proper decorum."

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." Matthew 7:1-5 (MSG)

A Dad's Note

2011-06-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

As we all celebrate father's day, I will be sharing this little note that I wrote when my son was just barely a week old; he just came home as a new member of the family, and as a new dad I was a nervous wreck. I wrote this as a letter in the office to pass the time; I come back to this letter every once in a while to remind me to be a good dad always.

For Elijah

As you lay quietly here in my arms, I do not want to wait for the day that you will defy me, but right now I am your world and your sunshine, and you are mine. I do wish it would stay this way, but I know it will never last.

Right now, I sing you lullabies that you find soothing and reassuring that I will be here watching over you while you sleep; however there will come a time wherein you will learn to sing your own songs and sing them to other persons apart from me.

There will come a day wherein you will meet other friends and will prefer to heed their advise rather than mine. I just want you to know that if the advice that you followed failed you, I will be here; with my own advice that will never fail you.

Today I am the ingredients of your dreams; however, there will come a morning wherein your dreams will no longer be mine, but rather your own. I just want you to know that you will always be in mine, and I hope that you reach yours in time.

There will come an afternoon wherein you will find limitless joys in someone so little and so adorable, as you hold a tiny hand in yours; but remember that there was once a time that I held your tiny hand in mine and I found limitless joys in such a little person like you.

There will come an evening wherein you will smile to yourself and look back to a life well spent, with loved ones by your side who look up to you and will be forever grateful for the things you have done; but remember that we came and we departed long before you, and there will come a day that your mother and I will be waiting for you and we will all be together again.

However, for now, we will take our time; stay and sleep in my arms and be mine a little while longer.

(Source)

Paul Esguerra © 2009

Song of the Day: I Have Loved You Wrong by The Swell Season

2011-06-17T09:26:00.001+08:00

The fact that this song only has one dislike on YouTube has got to be an indicator of how awesome it is, right? Right? I wish I were as good as Marketa Irglova, whose talent makes her even more beautiful than she already is.

So beautiful. Just playing this on repeat with my morning cup of coffee. Sigh.

It's gonna be a good day.. :-)

"But this estranged organ in my chest
Still beats for you, it will not rest, so
Meet me in our secret place
When the time has come.."

For Such a Time as This

2011-06-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

As I was doing my quiet time tonight I was praying that the Lord will reveal something new to me. I was praying that He would give me a fresh revelation even on the things I have known for a while now. And let me tell you, He did just that. :-)

I was studying the book of Esther and here's what I picked up. (Thank You, Holy Spirit!)

Through Esther's story, I was reminded of the fact that there is a terrific purpose for God's appointments. (If you're rolling your eyes right now, yes, I've known this for a while. But only in my head, not in my heart.) God places us where we are for a unique and specific purpose. Esther was in a completely unique situation when she was queen. She was on the throne when there was a plot to annihilate all the Jews. In her situation, her cousin Mordecai believed that Esther was placed in the king's household by divine appointment to do God's timely work. He knew and believed in his heart that Esther became queen for a reason.

"...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4.:14

In the same way that God had a purpose for what Esther went through, God also has a purpose for me. Right now, right where I am, right where I live (yes, both QC and LB), what I have experienced in the past, or what I will be facing in the future. In fact He has allowed me to come to this place in my life for a definite purpose, "for such a time as this." He has something specific for me to accomplish in my present situation, and He wants me to look for those opportunities in my present sphere of influence.

This revelation validated my situation now. There's a reason I'm in LB, and a reason I haven't graduated yet. I may not be happy about it, but God has a plan and a purpose for why I'm here and why I'm still here. And I don't intend to mess up those plans. After all, I've learned the hard way that God's plans are always better than the ones we plan for ourselves.

Alright, back to my readings now. :-)

Lord, I resolve in my heart to do Your will in my current situation, whatever the cost or consequence. My circumstances may not be all I would like them to be, but I praise You for them anyway. May I use my unique circumstances to find ways to serve and glorify You. Amen.

Skype Date With My BFF!

2011-06-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

Finally got to Skype with Micah who is in Spain right now! She was only supposed to call for a few minutes but we ended up staying on the line for almost two hours. Haha. We talked about two B's: her business and of course, boys. Yep.

So glad we finally found the chance to catch up! I seriously love and miss this girl.

Summer 2011 Highlights!

2011-06-04T00:37:00.001+08:00

For the past few years, I've made it a point to devote some time to listing the things that I'm grateful for for the things that happened during the proverbial vacation months, mostly the growth points. To sum it all up, this summer was all about one thing in particular: RELATIONSHIPS. New friendships were built, old ones were renewed, and some were stretched and strengthened.

As I tried to recount them all, as I finished my growth points and thought about God's faithfulness, one word resounded: Sovereign. God had showed Himself sovereign in my life and in the lives of my family and friends.. YET AGAIN. Sovereign, meaning He was in charge in every way and was supremely in control. Isn't that wonderful?

As summer draws to a close, allow me to share about the friendships I'm referring to..

New Friendships

Peace Camp at Camp Capinpin in Tanay, Rizal (May 12-14, 2011)

My heart jumps at the thought of meeting new people and building friendships with them. In that aspect, this summer was just stupendous! I was so blessed to have been given a chance to attend Peace Camp, a camp that our youth group organizes every other year. It's an opportunity for Christians and Muslims to just get together, talk about our faiths and just look beyond one another's "religions." It was a wonderful opportunity to show the world that no matter how different we are, we can still walk, breathe, and live peace.

I made a lot of new friends, both Muslim and Christian, and for that this camp was truly memorable!

The camp was held in Camp Capinpin in Rizal, which explains the rifles and everything. Kind of ironic considering the whole point of the camp, don't you think? LOL. (Yes, I find irony funny.)

With my friends, both old and new.

Old Friendships Renewed

Have you ever prayed one of those prayers, where even though you really wanted to have faith that it was going to be answered, there was a small part of you that was losing faith that it was ever going to happen? Then it does happen, your prayer does get answered.. in the best possible time, and it was so much better than you ever thought it would be? Well, that's what happened to me and my friends Anding, Krizsa and Micah.

L-R Micah, Krizsa, me and Anding.

Our little reunion was a classic case of, "You think you know, then God schools you" for me. Looking back at our LONG history together, I can't help but be thankful for all the trials we've encountered, as a group AND as individuals. So, it's really not the trying times that I'm thankful for, per se.. but more like the journey that God has taken us on. Because of what happened, we all grew up. Our faith has been stretched and we've learned to see God in new ways. And I saw that in all of us.

I've always known God was Healer.. but now we know Him as our Healer. There are no wounds that are too deep, no hurts that are too painful, that God can't fix, in His way and in His perfect timing. After almost three years of "separation" and many many prayers, there are no hard feelings. Although relationships are hard (people are not perfect after all, and we will always end up hurting one another, consciously or otherwise), we will walk it out in faith. We have seen His faithfulness and we know that just as God has been with us since we started being friends, He will continue to do so.

Click here to read Anding's perspective on our reunion. :-)

Strengthened Relationships

This part is further divided by three parts: (1) My relationship with my family, (2) my relationship with the ladies from the small group I'm a part of, and (3) my relationship with the girls from the small group I'm handling.

The first is my relationship with my family, after celebrating my maternal grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary. Family will always be home to me. When my world comes crashing in, they're first to the rescue. They know me at my worst (and I gotta tell you, that's pretty bad) and still think I'm wonderful (at least I think they think so, LOL). They help me to see God's miraculous graces everyday.. they remind me what truth looks like. Every time I'm overwhelmed with fear, they help bring me back to the light. And for that I love them all dearly.

Immediate family.

Extended family.

My maternal grandparents.. who by the way, restored my faith in romantic love, who reminded me that it is only by God's grace that we can be good spouses. The Lord used them mightily; He used them to teach me that with God at the center, "happily ever after" and "until death do us part" are possible.

The second one is my relationship with Ate Aimee's discipleship group. I feel so blessed to be a part of this group. There is nothing more special than shared lives between sisters in Christ. I know for certain these women are the most faithful, loving, honest, genuine, and authentic friends I have ever had. There's also no place where I feel safer to be myself than in their presence (aside from God's presence of course, hehe). I love pouring out my heart, dreams, fears and everything else when I'm with them. And our relationship just got even stronger after our sleepover this summer.

Thank You Lord for spiritual family!

And last but not the least, my relationship with the girls from my discipleship group were strengthened too.

Two of them left for the summer. Separation is another thing I'm not very good at, because it requires 100% faith that God will take care of the person. And who has perfect faith, right? But surprisingly, God gave me the grace to handle these two particular separations pretty well. I was so calm and trusted that they will put God first in their lives, wherever they went. I just prayed for them constantly, and God did in fact reveal Himself to them in their travels.

I'm joyful at where we are in our spiritual lives, as a group and as individuals. Sure, there are uncertainties. However, when you know God calls you to a certain place or to do certain things, the uncertainties within the call become a joy rather than a burden. After all, God does not call the qualified; He qualifies the called. And believe me, in all things, it is a JOY to know that we are exactly where God wants us to be. It's really been a blessing to mentor this group of young women and I'm in full excitement for what God will be doing in their lives for the rest of the year, and beyond.

These relationships are just a few of the many wonderful things that happened for the first half of the year. That's why my heart is grateful as I bid farewell to Summer 2011 and expectant as I eagerly greet Academic Year 2011-2012! :-)

Why I Love Jesus

2011-06-01T00:06:00.006+08:00

This is in response to a question I found on my Formspring. I thought I should make this my official go-to page for every time someone asks a similar question, kind of like a FAQ sheet only there's just one question. Heehee.

I grew up in a born again Christian household. That pretty much sums up my "spiritual life" while growing up. I probably accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior a hundred times as a growing kid and teenager. It was something that was cerebral (head knowledge) as opposed to visceral (all-consuming).

Before I met Jesus, and had a relationship with Him, He was just a distant god to me. I knew of Him, and knew He was around but I never really knew Him until a point where I hit rock bottom in my life.. much like the prophet Elijah, I pleaded with God, "Kill me now." (1 Kings 19:4)

I was having issues with my family, and even more personal stuff that I didn't want anyone to know. I was hiding deep-seated self-esteem and self-worth issues. Even more so, I was experiencing bouts of pain, emotions so consuming that they were built up inside of me that when they came, I didn't know how to express them in a healthy manner. I lashed out at myself. I was self-destructive.

Add to that the fact that I was a brokenhearted 16-year-old! I was already struggling with gaining people's approval, growing up being bullied by other kids. I had trust and abandonment issues. I wouldn't let anyone in. I had a wall around me that no one could penetrate, but honestly.. I was just testing the people around me. I pushed everyone away to see if they were going to chase after me. So you can just imagine the rejection I felt when the boy I first gave my heart to didn't "fight" for me when I tested him. It was rejection on steroids!

It was probably perfect timing that I was attending college. I needed a change of pace, I had to get away because I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. It so happens the university I chose is three hours away from my real home, so it was indeed a change of atmosphere and environment, which my parents agreed might be good for me.

When I got there, I was invited to a local church by a friend. After months of rejecting her, I finally went. This was when I had my first real encounter with Jesus, when my eyes were unveiled to the love that He'd been offering me for a long time. He is the God of the universe, and yet He still chose to humble Himself by coming to earth, to live a life I could not live, to die the death I deserve on the Cross, came back to life three days later.. all so that when I put my faith in Him, I could have eternal life with Him.

You see, I felt rejected because I was trusting other people to satisfy the need in my heart to be loved. I felt unloved because I was separated from the One that could really satisfy me. I felt weak and wanted to die because I was walking in my own power and strength.

It's now close to four years since that first real encounter with God, and you know what? My life still isn't perfect. I'm still tempted at times to go back to the darkest areas of my life, I'm still tempted to please people. But when I look at the Cross, and what Jesus did for me, I smile and say, "Thank You Jesus for loving me, even when I didn't deserve it." And I still don't deserve that love, but He loves me anyway, and that makes me complete.

Why do I love Jesus? Because He first loved me.

May I urge you, whoever you may be who stumbled upon this blog, to respond to Jesus' relentless pursuit of you? He loves you with an everlasting love. :-)

Wow, wow, wow!

2011-05-31T10:31:00.000+08:00

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies;
for the hardest victory is over self.

Aristotle

2011 Movies I'm Excited About (UPDATED)

2011-05-31T07:33:00.002+08:00

This isn't the trailer for the US version but for the Swedish one, but I decided to post it anyway. (I just fell in love with the book when I read it! Will post an in-depth review soon, hopefully..) David Fincher has always been one of my favorite directors. He was responsible for two of my top 50 favorite films (yes, I have that.. yes, I'm proud to be an extreme nerd): Fight Club and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I'm sure he will give this one the same level of excellence it deserves.

I seriously love Woody Allen. The man has been making movies since my parents were teenagers, and hasn't stopped since. I love the way his views on society, romance and relationships come out in every single one of his films.

Read my review of the book and this trailer.. and find out why this piece of literary masterpiece means so much to me.

"You have the chance to become part of something bigger than yourself.." I think I've mentioned how much I love themes like this; dropping everything for a much bigger purpose, letting go of selfish ambitions and desires for the good of something much bigger than oneself.

It's been a while since I've read the book (probably in my freshmen year in college when were taking up "basic" lit, so to say) so I need some refreshing.. will probably read it again before I watch the movie. I love all things 17th and 18th century and I know this movie will only enable that love all the more.

I don't understand the sudden influx of movies about casual sex nowadays, but I can't say I don't want to see this film. If only for Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake who are both incredibly hilarious and who, apparently, have good chemistry just based on this trailer.

Yes, I'm looking forward to a Taylor Lautner movie. I'm not even embarrassed. What can I say, I love Lily Collins! Plus this movie looks like a Bourne trilogy for teens, so..

Another guilty pleasure. LOL. It seems like another stupid movie about an American teenage girl who goes to a foreign country and kisses a local dude, but whatever.. anything with both Leighton Meester and Selena Gomez in it can't be that bad, right?

I think this one goes without saying. I am forlorn at the sight of my childhood ending right before my eyes.. :-(

Movies that need honorary mention but I'm not particularly hyper-excited about: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Something Borrowed, Your Highness (I am on board with anything that involves James Franco and Natalie Portman together), Rise of the Apes (speaking of Franco), Green Lantern, The Smurfs.. check out this list for a complete guide. :-)

UPDATE: Here's the first trailer for David Fincher's version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo! It looks EPIC!

Of Pets and Future Plans

2011-05-30T11:35:00.000+08:00

Someone offered to give our family a Siberian husky. My mom had to say no though because we still have two of of our shih tzu dogs, Jobe and Uno. And she didn't want Elijah and Isaac to have to adjust to another pet (since the two babies stay in our house during the day when their parents are working). *sigh* My heart. :-(

I was like, "But mom! Pets are a huge part of growing up, it's okay to have a lot of them. When my siblings and I were little, we had like ten fish, a cuckatoo, two turtles, four rabbits, three kittens and two miniature Schnauzers." (Not all at the same time of course. Hehe. I loved each of them with all my heart.)

The first thing I'm going to do when I get my own apartment or get married is adopt an adorable little Golden Retriever and name him Bacon.

Happenings

2011-05-26T10:36:00.002+08:00

Thoughts running in my head two weeks before school starts:

I am missing my roommates. :-( Hazel is still in New York, Eriz is in Hong Kong, Micca's in Batangas.. can't wait until they're back. Crisi, our pseudo-roommate, moved in an apartment with the other 4th floor peeps. I'm going to miss them terribly!
On a happier note, I've started decorating my side of the dorm room. White lights, taffeta curtains, silk sheets, printed polaroids.. I'm excited. Pictures forthcoming..
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually excited for classes to start again! I miss my friends. I miss seeing the theatre people. Drama school friends, here we go!
Last SYG is this coming Friday! Will be inviting some cousins I met at our grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary (which I will be blogging about soon).
Angel and Belly are home! Will be seeing them both in a while. :-)
I'm going to be doing some major shopping with mommy before the semester starts. I'm running out of clothes and shoes to wear.
Random: I'm craving sushi. I will therefore be having some from Eat Sumo, the Japanese resto at the Grove. That said..
I seriously love LB. You're never alone, but you're always on your own. :-)

Alone But Not Lonely

2011-05-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

Today God reminded me that it always pays to obey. He has shown Himself faithful yet again. I achieved College Scholar standing after so many semesters of not being one. Thank You, Lord.

It's 9:21 pm. I hear the pitter-patter of rain on the window here in my dorm room. I miss my roommates, that much is true.. but even though I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I feel safe. Thank You, Lord.

Empire Magazine's Harry Potter Celebration

2011-05-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

CHILLS CHILLS CHILLS

I can't wait until it comes out!

Beyond Blessed

2011-05-23T22:49:00.001+08:00

I was so honored (and surprised!) to find this question on my Formspring account. I never really check that a lot because nobody really asks anything there.. well, nothing of that much substance at least, and 2 times out of 3 I usually just receive spam.

But then there are rare times when someone asks a question that would actually give me the opportunity to help.. and then there are rare times, times like this one, when I would get something inspiring, like God kissing my heart and affirming His love for me.

I love questions like this because it gives me the opportunity to talk about how good and faithful the Lord has been to me. I can never get enough of pointing this out: I, with all of my imperfections and shortcomings, am nothing more than just a testament to God's never-ending love and abounding grace. I am alive and free because of who He is, not because of me.

"I'm just one small part in what God is doing in my corner of the world. But I love to see how I fit in -- how blessings given to me have been multiplied manyfold in the lives of many others. This, in fact, is the greatest blessing of all." Emilie Barnes

Song of the Day: Shout Unto God by Hillsong United

2011-05-23T18:34:00.002+08:00

It's overwhelming. I put my earphones on and click play.

Everything starts to pick up. I turn and see my reflection in the window. Hah. Just caught myself air drumming. I begin to sing along but the music is drowning out my voice. The volume's too loud. I know I am too.

The enemy has been defeated. Death couldn't hold You down. We're gonna lift our voice in victory, we're gonna make our praises loud.

Shout unto God with the voice of triumph. Shout unto God with the voice of praise.

Song of the Day: Your Love Never Fails by Jesus Culture

2011-05-20T01:07:00.000+08:00

This is one of the best worship songs I've heard in a while. It makes me tear up all the time. And Chris Quilala is very admirable! His love for God's presence is overwhelming and infectious. Move over, Kristian Stanfill! I have a new dream boy. ;-)

Click here to check out Jesus Culture's official website! They're my new favorite worship team too.

There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good.

New Girl

2011-05-19T00:29:00.000+08:00

I'm actually looking forward to this! The trailer is so funny and Zooey Deschanel is amazing. :-) Plus I think every girl wants to have guy friends like the guys from this show.

Can't wait for fall! I think there are a lot of promising new shows coming our way. Click here for proof!

I Love This Parallel

2011-05-18T17:14:00.001+08:00

I've been re-watching Gossip Girl in its entirety this summer (yes, starting from the first season up to the current one) and I realized how much I love this parallel.

It clearly shows that if she only takes off the layers of BS she generates around herself everyday, Blair could really be a good friend if she wants to be. I love when she gives pep talks! :-) It's so ironic that one half of the most "unstable" couple on the show (Chair) gives the best counsel when needed and always seems to know the right things to say to a person spiraling out of control because of family issues.

"Your father would go anywhere for you, anytime." 2.11 (The Magnificent Archibalds)

"Not knowing you is your father's loss." 3.09 (They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They?)

"Your real mother would never turn her back on a chance to know you." 3.13 (The Hurt Locket)

(Source)

10 Things Submission Is Not

2011-05-17T10:30:00.000+08:00

Found a great article on The Resurgence about submission.. thought I should share it here too.

Simply or singularly a marriage issue

Submission is God's design. It is a reflection of the interaction within the Trinity. Whether single or married, submission is a core heart issue revealing one's dependence upon God. For a wife, it demonstrates her willingness to yield to her husband's lead in obedience and belief of God's covenant to her.

Degrading

Women have been lured into believing that submission is somehow humiliating. It does not bestow second-class status. It was Christ's glory to submit to his father's plan of redemption for his children; it is a wife's glory to submit to God's plan of provision and protection for her life

Silent

When submission is depicted as voiceless oppression, both men and women lose. God declared that men need help and to leave them without our prayerful input is to deny them help – the very thing God declared they need. Submission uses her voice to speak words of grace and life into her husband's life.

Fearful

A fearful woman will have a very hard time submitting to her husband. A fearful woman isn't actively trusting God with her life which makes entrusting a man with your future nearly impossible. Submission to Christ frees a woman from fear as she rests in God's character and provision for her delivered through her husband.

Joyless

A joyless wife is an ungrateful wife. Submission says, as Jesus did, "Not my will but yours be done." There is great joy found in doing the will of God. Even in the most difficult of circumstances, joy bubbles out of a heart that is thankful to God for who he is and what he gives.

Stifling

When submissive women are portrayed as stunted or limited in their freedom, they are being lied about. Submission is a safe place of protection where we are able to express our gifts and creativity for the glory of God and benefit of our marriages.

Dumb

It is not a dumb thing to do, nor does it make you dumb. There is no "I get to check my brain at the door because he is in charge" thinking as the world often portrays. Submission is the response of an intelligent woman who knows her Bible and believes that God's design is best.

Weak

Submissive women are not mousy. They will not settle for doormat status. The posture of submission is strength willingly placed under the authority of another. Our husbands need our best. Our best is the power that comes from Christ alone as we depend on him to embody Christlikeness to our men.

Automatic

A submissive spirit does not kick in the moment you say, "I do." It is a heart response that all women begin to cultivate as we submit to Christ first. Wives will have their hearts exposed in the area of submission to God. A wife who submits cheerfully and graciously to her husband will always have at her core a heart knelt in submission to Christ.

Self-Focused

A truly submissive heart doesn’t need to be concerned with taking care of herself. The submitted heart does not ask, "What's in it for me?" but rather, "How can I serve God and my husband with my life?"

Song of the Day: Everlasting God by New Life Worship

2011-05-16T13:45:00.000+08:00

One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails
You never fail

One thing I know that I believe
Through every blessing I receive
You are the only One that stays
You are what stays

You never change
You're still the same
You are the everlasting God
You will remain
After the day is gone and the things of earth have passed
Everlasting God

Exhausted

2011-05-10T18:33:00.002+08:00

The minute you stop, exhaustion hits you like a train.

I just got back from a prod meet. I spent the entire afternoon analyzing a script, deliberating, discussing a possible acting job..

While I obviously love what I do and care about it more than most people care about anything, I can't say I love the exhausting side of it. Because in theatre, you never take off your thinking cap. It is an endless array of talking, processing, contributing, collaborating, deciding, and then talking some more. Most of the time you're just running on adrenaline.

I'm exhausted. But I'm joyful, because I missed this. After a month and a half of rest I love the idea of possibly being part of a production again.

So I came home a happy bunny.. only to be told my old laptop (that's currently in a repair shop in Gilmore) has crashed. So the problem isn't external anymore. The thought of losing all my files.. my vast collection of scripts and my analyses of most of them, they're gone. The scripts I've written myself are gone, too. And now I can't stop crying. Suddenly my whole, "Rejoice in every circumstance" life principle isn't so easy anymore.

I need McDonald's.

Babel

2011-05-08T21:34:00.001+08:00

Watching the movie was exhausting. I didn't like it. That's two hours of my life I can never get back. I could have been so much more productive with my time.

BUT.. as always, God still spoke.. and this is what He told me:

A wife in critical condition, two traumatized kids, a dead brother, a life thrown into a plastic bag after it has been illegal for sixteen years, a deaf pervert for a daughter..

MUST WE REALLY WAIT FOR JUDGMENT DAY

Before we correct our mistakes?
Before we repent for our sins?
Before debt has become too big, it is with one's life we must pay?

EVERYTHING ACCUMULATES.

There is only right.. or wrong.
There is only good.. or evil.

So, which do you choose for accumulated fortune in the end?

Whatever it is, the choice always comes with the task of equipping yourself while you wait.

If it's heaven in the end.. BE READY.
If it's hell.. BE READY.

My choice is to live heaven here and in the afterlife.
What's yours?

Mommy and Motherhood

2011-05-07T03:36:00.000+08:00

Mama Pearl, me, and mommy.

Almost a year ago, I wrote this on my Tumblr account:

Dear Mommy and Mama Pearl,

Growing up, I observed you and your life. Now that I'm all grown up I see that you demonstrate grace, compassion and humanity better than most. Your love for me and the ones around you speak volumes.

It isn’t easy to be a parent, not all mothers are mothers, really. I am beyond blessed to have a real mother, plus an amazing grandmother. And then many other mothers, who love me as their own.

If I grow up to be half the moms that you are, I would consider my future kids to be the most blessed people alive.

The reason I'm pasting it here now is because these words still hold true for me today.

***

Present Day Thoughts

I feel so blessed for having my mom.

I remember watching a movie when I was a kid, about these three children who did an ancient spell to make their workaholic, nagging mother disappear. After that, they ended up in this place called the Mommy Market, where they had to choose another mom.

Young as I was, I remember thinking that movie was horror genre at its finest. The thought of losing my mom and being forced to choose someone else to take her place.. it scared the hell out of me.

Well, that's not really a surprise, since the one I have is pretty amazing.

Raising three completely different, temperamental children with unique quirks and idiosyncrasies can't be an easy task. But she is doing it with more grace and cool than anyone I've ever known. Having to deal with my sister's crazy antics and my volatile bipolar tendencies can't be the most fun thing in the world to do. (It is such a blessing that my brother's straight arrow ways neutralize all that crazy.)

How amazing is my mom? Let me count the ways:

She is so good at giving me a tender, encouraging heart when I need it.
She is singlehandedly modeling a godly, Christ-centered life to her kids and grandkids, and shows no signs of stopping.
She is not only the most beautiful woman I have ever known on the outside, but her beauty is unparalleled on the inside.
She is such a strong fortress of a woman -- she has taught me more about God's wild grace than anyone. To know what she has lived through.. and yet to see how centered and amazing she is, is clearly a testament to what He can do.
She was there at my worst and loves me anyway. (Not like she has a choice though, hahaha!)

Of course, my mom wouldn't probably be what she is today if it wasn't for her mom, my grandma, also known as the Queen Mother. Hehehe. So everything I said above, applies to her as well.

Being My Own Person

There's a Taylor Swift song (feel free to judge me, I like shame) that my mom and I consider our theme song (because we're drama queens like that). It's entitled "The Best Day" and it's from her album Fearless. One particular line always stood out to me:

"I love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine.."

And that's always been our thing. My mom completely, fully and unconditionally entrusting me to the Lord. As imperfect as our relationship is (what earthly relationship is, anyway?), it's God-honoring in that for most of my life, she has always directed my attention to God, especially during the times when I felt so lost and lived a life of self-inflicted pain and quiet desperation. Of course, she wasn't complacent, we talked (a lot).. but where dialogue failed (especially the season in my life when I literally covered my ears and didn't listen), actions proved their worth. And my mom prayerfully giving me the reigns (letting me live independently in LB; giving me her blessing to have a boyfriend, not that I have or even want one; allowing me to shift courses when she saw how unsatisfied I was; giving me time to rest) while still reminding me of what's really important in life, was her teaching me to become dependent on God and God alone. That was her training me up in the way I should go so when I'm old I will not depart from it. I know I am a stronger person and Christian because of it.

I will always be her baby; I am her youngest, after all. But her not being too overly protective knowing that God is always on top of things, that's the kind of mother I want to be someday. Because as much as she loves me, she knows that no one will ever love me as much as He who loves perfectly.

Surrounded by Mothers

The past few years have been a period of transition in our family.

My brother married his super beautiful wife in 2007. They had Elijah, my first nephew, in 2009. My sister, on the other hand, gave birth to her son Isaac late last year. So it's safe to say that I am surrounded by mothers (even if I don't live under the same roof with them).

I think they've been doing some capital work so far. Proof: I think they're two of the most selfless people I know. I can be pretty selfish, so I know selfless when I see it. And both my sister-in-law and sister are definitely selfless.

With all these babies and their moms around me in my life, I can't help but feel the Lord impress in my heart the desire to have kids too, someday. Watching them.. it just seems like the most fulfilling of all human relationships. I would love some of that.

I keep thinking that I want to be just as good a mom as these women around me. And I can't help but wonder: Will I make a good mom too, someday? Only by God's grace. Yes.

How Meredith Grey and Peter Petrelli Ministered to Me

2011-05-06T02:09:00.000+08:00

It's summer break, which for a college girl like me means a marathon for all the great shows (and movies) that we own; things I never get to touch when I'm busy with school.

I've always been a huge fan of both Heroes and Grey's Anatomy, and those shows have a lot in common consistency-wise, in that they both sucked after the first season. So I decided to watch these two shows' respective first seasons.

Anyway, I always thought watching these things wouldn't really teach me anything about the Lord. I mean obviously, there is certainly nothing biblical about the worldly stuff. I've always thought these things are purely for entertainment. That belief changed recently.

See, the problem with me is that sometimes, I can be a little too "legalistic." My convictions are straight, my rules are followed. So much so that my "secular" friends think I'm boring, what with the no drinking, drugs and smoking rule. My concept of God and all that is about Him, should be: church, praying, reading the scriptures, discipleship, books by Christian authors, godly friends.. proverbial "good person" stuff.

While all that is true, I realized as I watched Heroes again recently.. it presented a lot of the same values and principles! One prime example: "Purpose before one's own desires." I see every hero in that series turn their backs on their loved ones once purpose calls. Some go crazy looking for the reason behind their power and abilities. This concept is very much like "dying to sin" or "denying yourself many things for the greater good" and Luke 18:29-30 -- wherein eternal life is promised to those who have left their homes for the Kingdom of God. The heroes in the series sacrificed many things to save New York from destruction. When you think about it, the heroes could be really good disciples in the making. (Lord, can I have Peter Petrelli disciple me?)

In Grey's Anatomy, I find that when you declare it, it usually happens. The power of PRAYER and FAITH that God will come through is very present in that series. I see that even doctors in that show can only rely on the power and the will of God for their patients to be saved. They can only do so much, the rest is all about God's plan for the patient's life. But it all starts with them BELIEVING that cure will happen. They just use diffrent terms, but really, when you think about it, it's all been said, done and written in the Book.

Then I realized this, a concept I've been trying to understand since I "grew" in my faith: That all we need is the SPIRIT OF TRUTH. Once you do, you begin to see everything -- even the most unimportant event in your life, to be all about God. Once you have this, you'll see everything for what they really are; and every little thing will mean something.. it will be of value.. it will be precious.. and treasured. Yes, even simply watching TV shows now, is a treasure. And yes, even if your task isn't as big as saving New York from extinction or resuscitating a patient.

I see now where I have gone wrong. Of God, I thought wrong. I was too uptight that I thought He shouldn't be boxed in a television set. But God is Everywhere. And He uses the most unexpected of circumstances and means to minister to us. So open your eyes and don't miss out. :-)

On Identities

2011-05-04T01:16:00.002+08:00

Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: You become what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible's astounding words about God's love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God sees?

What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey

While out having coffee with my mom at 11 in the evening, this exchange somehow made its way into the conversation..

Mom: You have to find out who you really are.
Abbie: I'm an actor. I'm everybody.

At the time, I just answered the first thought that came to my head without thinking twice. Now, looking back a couple of hours later, the response somehow sounds pretentious and douchey to me.

She's right, though. (Due to the all too personal nature of the conversation, I won't be writing the entire context of the convo, hohoho!) I remember last year, when my counselor told me I needed to figure out who I am; where I am banking my entire life and identity on. Because during that time which shall henceforth be known as "The Great Sadness" (thanks to William Young for coining the phrase in his book The Shack and to Ate Aimee for giving me a copy of said book) I wasn't exactly aware of who I was. I knew it in my head but didn't embrace it in my heart.

It's probably because my field doesn't exactly make it easy for me to be secure of my value and identity. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "prove my worth" or "set a standard." Man, if I had a penny for every time a mentor (teacher, director, superior, etc.) told me something along the lines of those words! I need to perform, literally. I need to be strong and perfect. There is no room for weakness and error. Everything is now; in the moment, and nothing else matters. You screw up your one chance; you're out. My entire worth is based on whether or not the theatre community appreciates my work. Add to that the fact that I am surrounded by people who are so much better and more experienced at what we do and I need to keep up.

That kind of environment would send a lot of people spiraling out of control.

I am aware this issue is not unique to me though. I know everyone has their own version of, "I will never be beautiful enough, smart enough, successful enough, accomplished enough, talented enough." I know everyone has their own "not enough" story.

Good thing that in the economy of God, "not enough" is never an issue. Good thing that in God's eyes, I am never anything less than beloved. He loves me so much that He gave His only Son for me! He declared my value when He said that I am worth dying for. "Enough" is not something we should strive for; "enough" is an identity. And it's one God is freely giving us through His Son who died for our sins and conquered death when He rose again.

Here are some other things God is telling us we are:

Dearly loved (Isaiah 54:10).
So loved that He sent His only Son to earth to die on the cross for our sin (John 3:16).
Valuable to God (Luke 12:24).
Created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). That is beauty!
Forgivable (Isaiah 43:25).
In need of Christ’s strength (Philippians 4:13).
Born for a purpose (Romans 8:29).
Cared for (1 Peter 5:7).

"Not enough," where is your sting? ;-)

I am done with walking in my own power and strength.

Now, more than ever, I am convinced that my number one identity is "one that Jesus loves." (I am sending a wink your way, Mark!) I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. (One wink your way, Ate Aimee!) And another wink to my beautiful mother, who constantly reminds me of who and what I am in Christ.

Jesus, thank You for reminding me that I don't need to be enough, and that I don't have to do anything to be. Earthly love will never compare to the love You have bestowed upon me. Quite simply, You are all I need. And Yours is all I need to be.

Quality Time and Coffee Fix with Two of the Most Beautiful Girls Around

2011-05-03T19:09:00.000+08:00

1/2 of the girls from my discipleship group: Hannah and Rachel. We miss Angel and Bel! :(

My Hannah.

My Rachy.

How beautiful are they? :-)

Topics included:

Their review classes at Claret.
Personal stuff.
The royal wedding. Of course, how can girls get together and not discuss that, right?
Gossip Girl and how they're doing the whole commoner gets married to a prince thing with the Blair storyline.
Monarchy protocols and trivias we each found online. Plus: Funny stuff we found on Tumblr and how much we all love Prince Harry!
How we're all going to find our prince someday, how those men will be above and beyond everything we have hoped for and imagined as young girls, and how they will be real princes because their Father is the King of kings. ;-)
Justin Bieber's documentary Never Say Never. Seriously. :)) And oh, we discussed Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato's troubles, too.
More personal stuff.
Rachel's funny shopping stories with her sisters! They're hilarious! Just remembering them makes me LOL now.
Hannah moving to the States with her family next year. *sigh*
More personal stuff, priorities and relationship with Jesus.

Girls, help me out here! Did I forget anything else? :-)

(Okay, time for my regular cheesefest which I prefer to be called "pep talks." We were called to speak life into one another's hearts, after all..)

Rachel.. I am amazed that someone as young as you can "get it" so deeply. The depth of respect and admiration I have for you is overwhelming, and your God so big. Thank you for the tender ways you listen, and for sharing your wisdom every time we get together.

Hannah, you are just the craziest fun around! I love your heart.. your zest for the future God has planned for you and your family.. your wisdom and maturity.. and the way you totally get what is real in life. I'm awed by what you are and what I know you can and will become.

This message goes for the rest of our group too: Angel and Belly, I hope you get to read this as well! I seriously love you girls. God kissed my heart when He brought us together. I stand humbled to be called your shepherd, leader, and friend. I love you girls! :-)

IT'S FINALLY HERE: One Day Trailer! (UPDATED)

2011-05-01T19:27:00.004+08:00

One of my favorite novels' movie adaptation is officially here!

Okay, initial thoughts after first viewing:

I stand by my first opinion when it was announced that she was cast: Anne Hathaway looks perfect for the role physically, but the fact that she's American still gets in the way. The accent isn't as bad as I expected it to be (I was kind of preparing myself for the worst: i.e., Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta) but it's not that bad, thankfully. Good enough for a London accent. She definitely didn't try pulling off the Yorkshire one.. which is sad, because the fact that Emma is from Yorkshire is kind of a defining trait (and a running joke) for the character. Verdict: I'm still not convinced. I stand by my original opinion that Carey Mulligan should have played Emma. (Second choice would be Leighton Meester. That interview with Tyra proves the girl can do an English accent.) I love you, Anne, but I'm just saying. I don't think you'll be nominated for this.
Looks like Jim Sturgess is going to nail it. He absolutely looks the part of the cheesy 80's-90's pretty boy. I'm willing to bet that come awards season, he will be the one with the statuettes, not Anne. Yep.
Visually, it looks absolutely gorgeous. What else can you expect from Lone Scherfig, the director of An Education?
It doesn't look like they deviated much from the book, which I LOVE! Well, I guess that was never cause for concern since David Nicholls himself wrote the screenplay..
This might probably be one of the rare times the movie is just as good as the book, if not better. But I can say as much since I haven't seen the movie yet. LOL.
Final verdict: Happy. :-)

Read my review of the book here.

I am so excited! Can't wait for July! 30 Seconds to Mars and Incubus concerts, then this! That month's going to be epic.

Second trailer:

Things and People I'm Mildly Obsessed With at the Moment (Could Change Tomorrow)

2011-04-30T15:50:00.002+08:00

What would Katharine do?

Katharine Hepburn. Movies, acting, beauty, the woman. I could not be more of a fangirl right now. I never thought the day would come where I would prefer Kate to the other beautiful Hepburn, Audrey. They have always been 2/3 of my trifecta: Audrey Hepburn, Katharine Hepburn and Grace Kelly, in that order. But now.. Kate is my number one. (Sorry, Aud.)

I have been watching her movies since summer break started. So far I've seen The Philadelphia Story and Woman of the Year. (I've already added Morning Glory, Bringing Up Baby, Holiday, and Love Among the Ruins on my queue.) Forget Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock; this woman is the Queen of Romantic Comedies!

As for her acting, I love that her talent has never been disputed, unlike Audrey Hepburn's. For some reason, Audrey's acting is an acquired taste; meaning it's not for everyone. Some people have even gone so far as to call her "fantastically twee" (I don't really understand why, I think the woman's amazing). Whereas Kate's acting was consistently praised by everyone, even today.

Plus it helps that she was a remarkable woman, too.

Oxford heels! Oh my goodness, I have been obsessed with them ever since I first saw Kaya Scodelario wearing a pair when she and BFF Emma Watson had dinner together in 2009! Yes, they have been in style for a few years now, and I don't see them going out anytime soon. They go perfectly with jeans, skirts, shorts.. yeah, they go with everything, and that's what I love about them. I am a very utilitarian/practical dresser, after all. (I like to make sure every pair of pants goes with every top, every dress goes with every pair of shoes. My roommates always laugh at me about it. If we're being honest, some days, I have a nightgown that looks like a dress that I can sleep in, then go to class when I wake up in the morning and realized I overslept. And maybe wear that "dress" to a meeting if I switch into heels. Yep.)

I actually ended up shopping for these with Belly (one of the girls from my discipleship group) before she left for the States and we just had so much fun doing so!

So far I only have one pair of oxford heels and I intend to buy more pairs, even though they're not exactly tropical country weather appropriate. (What can I say? Somewhere inside me is a middle-aged New Yorker and/or Londoner. Any of the two works.)

The Temper Trap. Their new album Conditions is so good it almost hurts. It's currently my go-to album for a good boost every time I go on a run.

There's a reason I love indie music so much. The genre has singlehandedly revived my faith in the music industry. All these independent acts (Bon Iver, Mumford and Sons, Sufjan Stevens, Phosphorescent, Alexi Murdoch, et. al.) are just so good.. and it's all because they don't let the suits tell them what to do. It's DIY ethic at its finest, thereby producing the best kind of art they possibly can. I salute them. (And can I just say that it gives me hope that Adele's newest album, 21, is still the best-selling record of 2011 as I write this? People still know what good music is, after all..)

This song is an example of the epic-ness I'm talking about:

And last but not the least..

Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. For coffee lovers with a sweet tooth, these are just divine! Once you bite into ONE crunchy espresso bean wrapped in smooth milk chocolate.. you're sure to end up devouring at least a handful. Thanks to my friend Jacque who discovered that they sell this at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. A tub of this costs P275.

What are some of your favorite things lately? I'd love to hear them! :-)

On Living a Peaceful Life (Or At Least, Trying To)

2011-04-30T01:53:00.002+08:00

Catharsis. (Photo Source)

DISCLAIMER: (1) These are things I thought of while jogging yesterday, and not about anyone in particular. These are just random thoughts; and (2) again, I do not write what I perfectly exemplify; I only write about the things I've learned through my own shortcomings. These are the things that God taught me every single time He rescued me when I fell short. (And for the record: I still fall short.)

THE THINGS I (TRY TO) DO TO KEEP MY LIFE PEACEFUL:

Forget the past, don't worry about the future.. and focus on the matters at hand. Anything beyond the present, I try not to bother myself with. I try not to think of things that happened to me in the past -- those things are done, after all. As for the future, I hope and pray for the best, and try to wait patiently as God takes care of it. But I do think it's best for me to just focus on today, knowing that every choice I make now will determine what will happen tomorrow. So the present and the future work hand in hand, and I still think about the future, of course, because not doing so would be folly. The thing that sets me apart from all other neurotic 20-year-old people in college though, is that I'm not worried about my future at all, because I know that my God is taking care of it.
Always say what I feel.. with extra care. I filter my thoughts and words, or at least, try to. I try to discern when to open my mouth, and when NOT to. I think of the exact amount of words/thoughts to dispense -- the amount and content that will be healthy for my heart. Whether in love or hate, the overflow of my heart dictates the conversation, BUT I also keep in mind that the conversation can also affect my heart. Not just for me, but for both parties (giver and taker). I don't just think of my heart; I think of the other person as well. Which brings me to..
Lesser words = lesser hurt. If called to make a stand, I've experienced, points that are made to be brief and short and quick and sharp, can sting, but at least they don't cause too much damage. Fewer words are easier to remember too. There's only so much the brain can retain. Not to mention, it's immune to the common disease of "selective hearing/memory" wherein people pick and choose what they want to hear and/or what they want to remember! So it's always better to be straight to the point. And filter, filter, filter!
Always overlook offense. Saves me a lot of energy and harboring feelings that are unnecessary. But please don't misunderstand me: Overlooking offense is NOT synonymous to overlooking wisdom. I say, forgive and forget, but LEARN from the experience. This does not mean you forgive someone who hits you everyday on the face, and then let him do it again. By no means. "Separate the sin from the sinner" is my style: I forgive the person, but I do not allow the sin back into my life. (This is a real energy saver, try it!) Since there are cases where talking doesn't get us anywhere, I choose to shut up and pray about these things, and believe God will be the one to do the perfect action for those people and situations, in His time. Having done this, I just let it roll off my back and get on with my life.

Lord, use the fragments of this broken child to reflect Your healing love.. Your abiding peace. For I am banking my whole life on the amazing reality that with You all things are new.

WalkWay 2011

2011-04-26T02:54:00.002+08:00

My second year at Church Simplified's WalkWay: Reflections on the Stations of the Cross was incredible.

My mom and I checked it out last year too, and it was our first time. We were very eager to see what they did different this time. They didn't edit the texts, but the some of the art pieces they used for various stations changed.

For those of you who don't know, WalkWay is a project started by a group of young and dynamic Christ followers a.k.a. Church Simplified, a church that meets at the Bonifacio Global City. They started it in the hopes of challenging the way people see the events surrounding Jesus' death and resurrection.

I won't be posting the exact text per station because that would be hard work. Plus I don't want to spoil it for the people who want to visit it next year. I'll just write my favorite excerpt from the texts. :-)

Just click on the pictures to see their full size.

1 The Garden. "He had made the decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you."

2 The Betrayal. "If you still doubt how much you are worth to God, Jesus’ sacrifice settles the question once and for all."

3 The Trial. "The trial system of the Sanhedrin was one they took pride in because it was known to err on the side of mercy. However, all the principles of justice they affirmed and implemented were scrapped. They breached all their standards to condemn the one innocent man who ever lived."

4 The Verdict. "Pontius Pilate. Roman Governor. History’s Greatest Coward."

5 The Whip. "But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. (Isaiah 53:5)"

6 The Curse. "Because thorns are the fruits of sin, then we only need to step into humanity’s prickly patch to feel a few thistles: Shame. Fear. Disgrace. Discouragement. Anxiety. Most of us know what it is to be weighed down by these emotions."

7 The Cross. "The journey to the cross began long before. As the echo of the crunching of the fruit was still sounding in the Garden of Eden, Jesus was leaving for Calvary." I wasn't able to take a picture with the huge cross that people were allowed to carry, but here's a picture of me trying it out last year.

8 The Two Simons. "Peter could have well earned the title, 'History’s Greatest Flake,' but his story doesn’t end there. Decades later, he finds himself hanging on a Roman cross. Tradition tells us that he requested to be hung upside down, feeling unworthy to even die the same death as Christ." Russel, whoever you are, I prayed for you. :-)

9 The Crucifixion. "The sacrifice on the cross reveals how repulsive sin really is. But it also shows us the awesome magnitude of God’s love. God put your sin on his Son and punished it there, so that you would be free." This has been, and will always be my favorite part in the exhibit. :-)

10 The Mother. "One thing is for sure: From Bethlehem to Calvary, Mary was there for her son. She loved Jesus. And Jesus, He loved her. He cared for her so much that in the midst of His own suffering, He made sure to entrust her to the friend He loved." We actually saw the picture Tita Rica left!

11 The Promise. "How could two men see the same Jesus and one choose to mock him while the other choose to trust him? We will never know. But what is sure is that when one thief trusted Him, Jesus loved him enough to save him. And when the other mocked Jesus, He loved him enough to let him. Jesus allowed him the choice. Jesus does the same for you."

12 The Darkness. "As you stand in the dark room, know that in this life, there will be times when darkness will surround you. It will seem to overthrow you. It will seem permanent. It will seem to have victory over you. In these seasons, be strong and remember that 'SEEMS' is the operative word."

13 The Cloth. "During Jesus’ time, there was one way a carpenter let a contractor know that the job was done. A signature if you will. When a job is finally completed, the carpenter would typically fold a towel neatly in half and set it on the finished work and walk away. Whoever would arrive later to find it would see the towel and understand its simple message: The work is finished." Prayed for Ate Aimee two years in a row. My mom and I also thanked God for second chances. :-)

14 The Table. "What you must solemnly realize is that every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you re-enact in your words and actions the death of the Master. You will be drawn back to this meal again and again until the Master returns. You must never let familiarity breed contempt. (1st Corinthians 11:23-24 The Message)"

Other pictures:

My beautiful mom.

I love this picture of us! The guard we asked to take our pic kind of made a mistake. Hahaha.

Mom put our names on the cloth. Unfortunately it didn't show on the pic. Hehe. (Sorry I look super haggard. HAHAHA!)

We caught a glimpse of Ate Julie's performance! We were able to listen to one song, then we had to leave because we attended the 7 pm service at Victory Fort.

My mom will probably kill me for posting this. She hated this picture when she saw it! Haha!

I hope you had a meaningful, Jesus-centered Easter Sunday. :-)

"Don't we need someone to trust? Don't we need someone who is bigger than we are? Aren't we tired of trusting the people of this earth for understanding? Aren't we weary of trusting the things of this earth for strength? A drowning sailor doesn't call on another drowning sailor for help. A prisoner doesn't beg another prisoner to set him free. A pauper knows better than to beg from another pauper. He knows he needs someone stronger than he is.

Jesus' message through the wine soaked sponge is this: 'I am that person. Trust me.'

On this day Jesus knows what it is to suffer the pain of death. On this day Jesus knows about sorrow. On this day, Jesus forgives those who 'don't know what they are doing.' On this day Jesus knows victory is coming. On this day we know that Jesus chose the nails for anyone who will believe in Him. Yes."

-- He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado

Fast Thoughts

2011-04-25T00:12:00.001+08:00

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.." Joshua 3:5

We were at Cring's graduation dinner party when Ate Aimee, my lovely discipler and friend, suggested to us that we try an internet fast from Wednesday until Saturday of the Holy Week. Since I've never tried it (I've only tried food fasting since it's an annual tradition in another church I attend), naturally, I had my trepidations. To be honest, the internet has become such a big part of my life, not only because I'm a student, but also because socializing has found its way on the world wide web. The internet has become a big part of my daily routine.

To put it bluntly, I was planning on, well.. not doing it. Haha. I felt like a fast always needs preparation (there's no way I'll be abstaining from food for 7 days without preparing myself a week prior) and the suggestion came so suddenly; it was already Monday evening when we agreed to do it!

I was only planning on food fasting on Black Friday. But since I wanted to test myself also and I felt like it was God who was spurring me to do it, I, with the biggest Barney Stinson-esque smile I could muster, answered, "Challenge accepted!"

If I were to describe the internet fast in one sentence, it's this: IT WASN'T EASY.

There's a reason I haven't tried it before. I only lasted a day. By Thursday morning, I was already on Yahoo! Mail! Haha! Lame, right? I'm embarrassed, but I would also like to be honest enough to admit it. At least I never went on Facebook. That was the one site I needed to wean myself off of. I also took some time to do some design tweaks around this blog.

But that was the first and last time I fell off the wagon until Saturday, because I felt so bad afterwards.

See, food fasting is different. I would never, EVER, say it's easy, but.. at least I've had four years of practice. Ever since I attended Victory since 2007, I've participated in the 7-day prayer and fasting, and some Fridays of the year. It was how my former housemates and I bonded. I've gotten used to the discipline. I haven't mastered it, of course, no one ever will, we're all human. I still get super hungry and tempted. But again, I've had practice. And it's not like I eat nothing at all during a fast. There are options (water, liquid, one meal, abstaining from certain foods).

But the internet! The internet is a whole 'nother story! It was excruciating seeing my entire family on the web while I was stuck on reading and watching TV. It was hard.

But my realizations afterwards.. they were so worth all the "suffering." :-) Here are the the things that were revealed to me during the 4-day internet fast:

Apparently, I am not addicted to the internet. Yes, I rely on it for information (especially for school stuff), and to connect with family and friends. But after three days (Thursday doesn't count because I fell off the wagon haha) of not being on it, I feel so victorious. It is safe to say that I am not gonna die without it. The thing about God's grace is that it protects me. That's not to say I won't be careful, of course, because I still have to do my part. But I will always have faith that if I put the Lord first and not allow myself to be consumed by anything other than my relationship with God, then He is strong enough to protect me from any kind of unhealthy addiction or dependence. Not just to the internet but other things of the world as well.
I am not that bad at small talk at all! That is one of my issues. I can be really quiet around people I'm not comfortable with (being with close friends is a different story), so I believed for so long that small talk is not one of my strongest suits. People close to me know I would rather do the anti-social thing (engrossing myself in a book, go on the internet, go for a run around the village as opposed to staying at home in the afternoon when there are a million people running around the house) than be, well, social. But for some reason, getting off the internet and talking to real people, somehow made me a better listener. Somehow I ask more sensible questions, I am better at throwing punch lines (haha!), and for the first time, my attention span is longer. If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is!
I became more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. It also happens when I abstain on food, but this year, the change is so much more apparent. When I drowned out other distractions (and the internet is a big one for me), I heard God's voice so much easier. During my quiet times, I came across a couple verses that spoke to me so loud, I don't think I have ever had revelations this big from those verses in the few years of my being a "mature" (for lack of a better word) Christian. It's probably because I really took my time and maintained an attitude of worship throughout the 3 days I was on the fast.

I hope this period lasts. I pray these changes didn't just happen because I fasted. I am so expectant. There is always a freshness in my spirit every time I finish a fast, and this one is no different. I am waiting on the Lord, expecting that He will answer, having faith that these breakthroughs will remain, and that more breakthroughs will come.

"When a man is willing to set aside the legitimate appetites of the body to concentrate on the work of praying, he is demonstrating that he means business, that he is seeking with all his heart, and will not let God go unless He answers." Arthur Wallis

Resurrection Day Everyday!

2011-04-24T00:31:00.001+08:00

Coming from a born again Christian family, I probably accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior a million times in my life.

It wasn't until 2007 when that knowledge went from my head to my heart. It wasn't until I stepped in college when my eyes were opened to the truth that Jesus is real, is alive, and continues to work in my life.

I decided to spend my Holy Week 2011 by reading Philip Yancey's The Jesus I Never Knew (thanks, Ate Ai!) and by abstaining from the internet (will blog about it next time). Indeed, Yancey made me realize how much I didn't know about Jesus! Again, Mr. Yancey knocked off the Miss Know-It-All in me, just like he did with What's So Amazing About Grace.

I was once again reminded of the Only Thing I know to be real in my life; the One Stronghold I put all my hope and faith in.

RESURRECTION IS REAL. Otherwise, God won't be speaking now to you or to me, to my friends and family, if He remained dead. If you have yet to personally experience Him, then nothing I write here now will make you feel and see it on your own. For most people though, I know and I have faith that it's only a matter of time. ;-)

For all, its a matter of the heart. Either way, He uses all things in the universe He created to remind us that He is alive. And if this is the case, and God speaks to each and every one of us in unique and special ways, and if He transforms our hearts everyday so we can become more and more like Christ, shouldn't we be greeting one another, "Happy Easter," everyday? After all, the grace that was given us not only saves; it also transforms.

I say let's open our hearts. It is good to remember that our Savior lives, but today I am challenging myself to remember it every single day, and not just for one Sunday of the year.

Let us celebrate Jesus for who He really is.. real, alive, and constantly moving. Not just every Easter Sunday, but everyday. For you. And for me.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

"Crucified to set me free, now I live to give Him praise.."

300 Revelations

2011-04-18T12:38:00.003+08:00

(No, I won't actually be listing 300 revelations. That would be a tad tedious. It's just the title; hopefully a clever one. Haha.)

I am a happy bunny.

Aside from the fact that I will be spending 24 hours with a bunch of God's best women, many things happened. So many things were revealed to me last night, things I have known in my head all along but never really passed on to my heart. Directions from above poured here and there, and I am obediently swaying in accordance to those instructions. Hard.. but worth it. I know it. I feel it. I am gearing towards battle.

So it was a relief to wake up this morning, have alone time with my Lord, then to decide to watch a movie to take the edge off.. I decided to go through our DVD shelf (something I haven't done in a while.. all thanks to Torrent) and randomly chose 300. It's been quite some time since the last time I saw it, and it will always be one of my favorite films. It's still epic even after 10+ viewings in 4 years. I seriously became a Snyder fan because of this movie, and was also impressed with Watchmen. (Which is probably why I was so disappointed when I found out his latest offering, Sucker Punch, was terrible.)

After watching the movie, I realized that the personal revelations that I found 4 years ago when I first watched it, still ring true for me today:

My husband should be a MAN OF SCARS. One who does not live in vain. One who fights and wounds without fear and has those marked all over his body and his spirit. Marks that will remind us of how he fought the good fight. Great battles, yes, but never of pain. A man who lives for the honor of many and looks beyond himself, beyond now -- someone who is looking after the next generations. A man who lives for the greater glory and not his. A "man of no selfness," like what was said in the movie when Leonidas was about to leave his queen. A man whose principle will always be, "Purpose before self."
I would also want someone to say this about/to me at least once in my life: "You are wise, as you are kind."
I like the truth in this: "Even a king can bleed.." I noticed how much I love themes like this. Part of the reason I like the proverbial Howie Day song "Collide" is because of the line, "Even the best fall down sometimes.." I like brokenness. Because in brokenness, everything is real. Everything is exposed. There's no pretending. No walls. It's just you and your humbled self. It's all about transparency.
I realized a very important trait that made the Spartans matter in this world: They acted like lunatics. They laughed in the face of danger, knowing that no matter what happens, in life and in death, they are victorious.
I am thinking of my own "Wolf in the Winter Cold" moment.. a moment wherein I have heightened senses, and in the event of defining what you were born to do.. has it already come to pass? Is it now? Am I doing it? Or is it yet to come?
The importance of leaving a legacy. Seeing beyond our own destiny is seeing what the children of our children are going to feed upon. I say kill all evil, so our sons and daughters will not come to be slaves of eternal death.

Bless you all today, Spartans!

"The enemy outnumber us a paltry three to one, good odds for any Greek. This day we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny, and usher in a future brighter than anything we can imagine."

P.S.
I am on my way to a sleepover with the ladies from the small group I am a part of.. so stoked!

Remind Me Again

2011-04-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

It is in Your embrace I find life and liberty
The only love that lasts and never disappoints.

"In heaven's eyes, you are not half of something broken.. you have been made whole."

Kari West and Noelle Quinn

Song of the Day: Don't Wait by The Duke Spirit

2011-04-16T23:44:00.000+08:00

This was the song playing during the epic first kiss between Dan and Blair on Gossip Girl. Love love love it! Something to hold me over until I get my Dair fix when the show comes back on Monday. :-)

Click here to read my Dan-Blair write up. This storyline just hit a nerve with me (in a good way), and I finally figured out why.

Micah

2011-04-15T02:32:00.001+08:00

photobombing, the fine art of ruining other people's photographs

With my favorite photobomber, Micah, at her house. Didn't know she was going to be in the picture. Hahaha.

We were happy bunnies, to say the least. Spending 24 hours with your best friend is priceless. :-)

Disney Dream Cast

2011-04-13T14:47:00.001+08:00

Found this on Tumblr.. thought I should share it here as well. :-)

Diana Agron as Aurora/Sleeping Beauty

Alexis Bledel as Ariel/The Little Mermaid

Vanessa Hudgens as Jasmine

Amanda Seyfried as Rapunzel

Emma Watson as Belle

Taylor Swift as Cinderella

Leighton Meester as Snow White

Pretty amazing, right? How awesome would it be if any of these came true? The person who did this must do the Prince Charmings as well! Haha!

Source

Boom. Wake Up, Abbie.

2011-04-13T01:34:00.000+08:00

"Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you."

1 Timothy 4:14

Team Dair, Dan, Pauper, Donut, Humphrey, What-Have-You

2011-04-12T14:11:00.022+08:00

Leighton Meester as Blair and Penn Badgley as Dan

DISCLAIMER: I can be a bit of a fangirl when it comes to the music, movies, books and TV shows that I love, but I mostly save those moments for my Tumblr account. I try to save whatever substance I may have, no matter how small, for this main blog. But there is a much deeper reason why I love this new, albeit not unexpected, pairing (it just took four seasons to finally happen!), so I decided to write about it here.

I just really felt compelled to write about this.. because the Gossip Girl writers finally Daired!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Dair is simply a portmanteau of Dan and Blair, two characters from the CW TV show Gossip Girl. (Yeah, I know it's stupid and annoying, but if you can't beat the fangirls..)

I have been a fan of the show ever since its first episode. I was a fan of the books, too (don't judge me; the books came out in my early teens and they're but guilty pleasures to me now!) so I felt compelled to watch the TV series. I am also a huge fan of executive producer Josh Schwartz's work (The OC, Chuck) so I was really looking forward to this show.

I agree with the observation that after the first season, the writing has gone downhill. Back in Season 1, I cared about all the characters and different storylines because they were all interesting. But then the writers' strike happened and the downward spiral started. It came to the point that the show has lost all its dignity (stupid plotlines, all the bed-hopping, the pairing of every single possible couple). It's obvious the writers and producers were going for escapist fun, and I went along with that. I kept watching it even if it wasn't quality entertainment. I felt invested in the characters, Blair and Chuck specifically. I used to love them as a couple.

My continuing allegiance to the show and to Chair (read: Chuck and Blair) hung by a slender thread. Most of the storylines were (and still are) just so godawful. I was so ready to give it up the minute Chuck sold Blair to his creepy uncle to save his hotel. All for a hotel! I literally tweeted Josh Schwartz (yes, I am a dedicated fan haha) to show my disapproval at the continuing saga that is Chuck and Blair. Really, what kind of message is he sending young girls everywhere by still endorsing Chuck as a viable romantic lead?

But Dan and Blair pulled me back in right when I was about to dump the show. The storyline became a major game changer and made me respect the show once again. They have singlehandedly ignited my interest!

Let me give you a brief history lesson to explain why this is a (pleasant) surprise.

Dan and Blair were polar opposites who almost never saw to eye throughout the show's three seasons. Blair is part of the Upper East Side royalty, extremely judgmental of people not from her social standing. Dan is the same way in that sense, except he lives in Brooklyn and is considered part of the hoi polloi. They hated each other's guts for three years, but even then, their chemistry was remarkable. Their moment in the first season when Dan shared about his family troubles, and every time they teamed up to rescue Serena from whatever downward spiral she was on at the moment. The only thing they had in common seemed to be Serena, until the writers (for once!) developed the friendship slowly in Season 4 and showed they actually had a lot in common! And they did it in such a way that wasn't hard to buy.

Source

And like I said, there's a deeper reason why I love this pairing. It's not just because they remind me of Pacey and Joey of Dawson's Creek (that couple was pretty epic too and I'm glad they were endgame), but because based on everything we've seen about Dair so far, I can safely say that that is the kind of relationship I want to have.

I don't think it's wrong (or naive) to set high standards. No one sets out to look for someone who will end up hurting them in the end, and that's what I want as well. And I have faith that God will honor that, if marriage is part of His plan for my life.

Dan and Blair watch artsy movies together, talk (sometimes argue) about art, they care about the same things. Maybe other people will find this superficial, but I was always one of the few who think common interests (especially when it comes to art) is important. We don't always have to agree because that's boring. But I want, nay, need someone I can talk to about books, movies and music, even when we argue. I'm serious. (If you're a Dair fan, you should check out the source for the pic in the left. Gossip Girl works in parallels and I'm starting to realize that the fandom doesn't really give the writers a lot of credit for the work they put into showing that some things are just meant to be. Right now all the signs are pointing at Dair.)

This is negotiable though. Because I heard a preaching last Valentine's Day where the pastor said, "When the going gets tough, it doesn't matter what your spouse's favorite book is."

This is one of my non-negotiables that I saw in Dair: They bring out the best in each other, unlike Chair. According to spoilers, Dan says something of this effect to Chuck, "The real Blair cries at art houses. She only schemes when she's with you." I hope that spoiler is true, because someone needs to point that out. That line literally explains why Chuck and Blair together is so dysfunctional. They encourage each other's bad habits, when they both should be growing up now. They're 20 years old, for crying out loud! (Yes, the characters are my age. Part of the reason this show will always hold a special place in my heart.) They will only dig themselves into a huge grave if they were to stay together. Not to mention Blair has had to forgive him AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN for so many screw-ups! Aside from the whoring Blair out thing (which takes the cake), Chuck has done so many things to her already. Comparing her to a horse, abandoning her at a foreign country, sleeping with Vanessa, sleeping with Jenny ten minutes after they broke up.. the list goes on. And an "I love you" is supposed to make up for all that? PLEASE. Granted, Blair isn't perfect too.. but there's no balance based on the things they did wrong to each other. Chuck has done so much worse. I worry for women everywhere if a relationship like Chair's is considered epic. Love is not abuse, people!

Dan and Blair are perfect for each other in the way that they can challenge one another in a good way, and Dan always calls her out on her crap, which is what she needs because it's been shown many times how much she wants to change and be a better, maturer person but it was always Chuck holding her back from doing so. Chuck prevented her from change. The best relationships (and not just romantic ones) work when you can encourage the best in the other person, like Blair does for Dan (on occasion) with regards to his writing. She encourages him to be a better writer, and be a better person too. His inane rambling was always one of his biggest flaws and Blair knows how to shut him up when it counts. But she doesn't just silence him, she actually gives sensible reason in her sarcastic way. She also makes him less arrogant. Dan helps her grow as a person in return, and with her career as well (because of Dan's "dictator of taste" comment, Blair decided she would make a perfect editor-in-chief for a fashion magazine). Healthy relationship right there.

Also, I realized that these two freaks need all the help they can get, and it makes me happy when anybody can see through or around the very substantial layers of bull they generate around themselves every day. Blair deserves to feel brave, and loved, and Dan deserves to feel like he's helping, like his help is actually requested and required. Like a man. (They don't get those things from Chuck and Serena, respectively.)

I suddenly remembered that Alice Walker quote, "No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow." And Chuck and Blair deny each other growth. The past two seasons have been proof of that.

But I do understand why the fandom is so divided in this. There's basically been a Civil War within the Gossip Girl fans since Dair happened! I understand why some people still ship Chair, regardless of how unhealthy they are. It's nostalgia. Chuck and Blair have had some good moments too.

It's logic (Dair) vs. loyalty (Chair). It's prose against poetry, reality against love story, socio-realism against art, self-help book against Shakespeare. The war of the worlds indeed.

The drama queen in me would have supported Chair to the death. But the realist in me chooses the healthy, functionalist couple. We can't be living in fairy tales forever. We make our own fairy tales.

And one final perk to Dair: If it does happen, Serena and Chuck are going to be in so much trouble next year. They're used to having someone chasing behind them; waiting to catch them if they fall. It would be nice to finally see those two without their respective emotional punching bags. And it's about time someone chooses Blair over Serena! If the promos and spoilers are any indication, it does seem like Dan will be the first person to do that. I'm loving this. :-)

All that said (whew!), watch this epic promo. It's a little Blair-Chuck-Prince Louis heavy, but I think there's a reason they're downplaying Dan in the running for Queen B's heart. I love this promo because it's so dramatic! It's like a flippin' movie trailer. All the angled shots, sweeping music, and foreboding text.. OMG. That is all.

Final words: DAIR FTW! ♥ (Go away Chuck and Prince Louis, even if Hugo Becker is super cute. The Prince is actually my second choice. Just, anyone but Chuck. PLEASE.)

On a different, less fangirl-y note, I am so in love with this dress Blair wore in 4.16 (It Girl Happened One Night), and it's by Marchesa, one of my favorite fashion houses! If only I was wealthy enough to buy or have one custom-made..

UPDATE: Anyone who's anyone is on Team Dair right now. Perez Hilton, Julie Plec and Brian Young (main show runners for The Vampire Diaries; I think the GG writers should listen considering how GOOD TVD is right now), Ashley Benson who plays Hanna Marin in Pretty Little Liars.. that's just cool. Also, I'm not the only one obsessing and fangirl-ing over this new development. LOL. Apparently, ratings have been going up since Dair and message boards and fansites have been all abuzz with activity. All-around interest in the show has skyrocketed and the media is heavily reporting about the show again. That, my friends, is the Power of Dair! :-)

UPDATE # 2: If you're a Dair fan, the following sites show the parallels and how signs are pointing at Dan being Blair's true prince (and this isn't even the complete list):

Gossip Girl Blair-Dan Parallels and Signs
An Illustrated Letter to Blair Waldorf and Caroline Forbes (These two characters from two different TV shows are so alike! That's archetype for you.)
Like Father, Like Son (I'm loving the Rufus-Lily-Bart and Dan-Blair-Chuck parallel! The writers really aren't as bad as we thought they were.)

UPDATE # 3: (Sorry I'm big on updates! LOL.) I totally forgot to post this! All the "signs" were featured in this vid. :-)

UPDATE # 4: The woman who wrote this article is my new hero. She basically took the words right out of my mouth and summed up everything the writers did wrong with Chuck's character. I think every Gossip Girl fan should read this.

UPDATE # 5: New promo still! This picture is just beautiful. It's my current wallpaper. :-)

Since the hiatus is killing me (why can't Monday just be here already?!) I decided to seriously ponder about why this storyline is hitting a nerve with me. And I figured out why.

This is a TV show that was once quoted in the ads as being "Every Parent's Nightmare," and right now it's giving kids an important message -- one that holds just as much value as any lesson taught in school.

It's telling girls to be with a guy who respects you (and to think that because of her views, Dan has very little reason to respect Blair.. which tells us that when he looks at her, he doesn't see the bad parts; he sees everything). It's telling girls to be with a guy who will be there for you unconditionally (now that I think about it, he's supported her starting from Season 1, when her best friend/his girlfriend upset her, he held her hand when her boyfriend broke her heart, he secretly bought her lunch because she was too much of a ridiculous snob to eat at work). It encourages girls to look for a guy who will share and enjoy your interests, which will allow you to flourish and grow as a person (without losing yourself)..

Right now, this is the ultimate message of redemption for the show.

All the superficiality, the parties, the high fashion, gossip.. those are false messages that tell the audience we need money and status to be fulfilled. The Dan-Blair storyline is a kind of modern fairytale that gives a show like this a level of respect it was never intended to have.

You have to be with someone who will support you, love you unconditionally and improve you. It's not all about looks, status and wealth which have, sadly, become synonymous with romance.

It's not necessarily the key to ultimate happiness, but it is a step in the right direction. With Dan, Blair could be so many things she never thought possible. He kills the insecurity that's plagued her most of her life. (That said, I wonder if Blair's bulimia will FINALLY be addressed once they get together?) He makes her feel brave and loved. With Blair, Dan can finally be what every man secretly wants to be: a knight in shining armour. He couldn't be that with Serena when they were together, because she never really let him in. Just my two cents.

UPDATE # 6: While I agree that the person who wrote this needs a life (I'm a fangirl too but I don't go as far as analyzing every single frame from the show!), as a fan of both Gossip Girl and art (somehow I have a hard time classifying this show as art hahahaha), I found this article very interesting.. It was very sneaky and clever of the writers to use Manet as a device to flesh out the characters. Very smart for a teen soap.

Pics From My Phone: Second Semester, 2010-2011

2011-04-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

These are miscellaneous pictures from my E63, hence their crappy quality. Sorry for some of the overly smart-blurred pictures, it hurt to do it, but I had to if I wanted to remove the noise. Hahahaha. (And I was messing around with Photoshop CS3.. that's my problem; once I start tweaking I never know when to stop! Haha! So please forgive me if some of them are hard to look at! LOL.)

These are just pictures (and not even good ones) but I still wanted to upload them before I deleted them or something.. these are just a few from the hundreds that I still have on my phone. Oh well. I'll clean up those files next time.

I realized how much I love taking pictures of extremely random things (well, not my family, but things). Weird.

QC and family pictures from Christmas break. I have such a beautiful family, and I don't just mean physically. I can't wait for our photo shoot with OM this summer!

The things that me busy during the Christmas break: My Bible, planning for 2011, my phone, The Hunger Games Trilogy and school stuff (the black one below is a photocopy of a theatre history book). I loved that all these were black; that's why I had to take a picture. Haha!

Mommy taking care of Zac, my sister's baby.

Kuya Elijah (my brother's son) and Zac. The joys of my life. (The person behind them is Elijah's yaya.)

I built a fort with Elijah. This is him playing inside.

I miss my nephew's long curly hair!

Elijah and Kuya Paul during Halloween. I hated that my brother made him wear those horns. He's still a cutie pie though! It will be pretty hard to change that. :-)

Dorm photos. Most of my pics with my roommates and dormmates are in my digital cameras, so these are mostly randomness.

I love love LOVE my new laptop sticker! So pretty and Elle Woods! Omigod, omigod, you guys!

What I did to my desk. My roommates thought a fairy died or something. HAHA. I used the black cloth for a scene study. I had no use for it after so I used it as a cover thingy so dust will be kept away from my books.

Taken from the canteen in our dorm. I love this shot because you can see our dorm in the shades' reflection! LOL sorry it's super dark.

My rehearsal space. Small, right? This is when we were rehearsing my scene study "Rosaryo" with my talented actress Vera.

Working on the framework for my Visual Arts project.

My 2011 Belle de Jour Dream Board. :-)


The UPLB Christmas Tree as seen from our dorm's rooftop. Again, this is from a camera phone, so I'm sorry for the quality.

No particular category (hehe):

SADDEST PHOTO EVER: Ate Aimee and Rielle saying goodbye. :-( This was the night before Yellie's flight.. (On a lighter note, Ate Ai will probably kill me for posting this. Hehe.)

A Gothic Catholic church we visited on our field trip for art class. So gorgeous.

Because he says he is an avid reader of my blog, I posted this. HAHAHA. You remember this, Mark? You wouldn't stop making fun of us, so I gave you a taste of your own medicine. Bwahahaha.

Song of the Day: Summer Girl by Leighton Meester

2011-04-08T13:25:00.001+08:00

This is from the Country Strong soundtrack.. I love Leighton's voice in this! You can find the full song here.

Finally found my Summer 2011 theme song. :-)

Last Night Made Me Take a Good Look at Commitments

2011-04-07T16:25:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER: Sorry if this will sound more like a social commentary than a movie review. :-)

This movie is why I can't stop asking the question, "Why get married if you're going to leave/cheat on your spouse anyway?"

Set in New York City, Last Night is the story of a married couple (Sam Worthington and Keira Knightley) that while apart for one night, is confronted by temptation that may decide the fate of their marriage.

Another disclaimer: I hope it doesn't seem like I am breaking the actor/writer code of conduct. The number one rule for creating fictional characters is, "Thou shall not judge." That said, I am NOT judging the characters in any way, shape or form. Watching the movie, seeing the characters' exploits, I tried to put myself in their shoes. I really did. I tried to be open; I tried to get inside their heads, all four of them (and I rarely do that while watching movies). But while I sympathized with their plight (God knows I know what it's like to be tempted), I still had a hard time finding logic for the things they did and their motivations for doing them.

I don't want to spoil the movie, so I'll just be general about the things I found problematic. First of all, if you know you're about to walk into situations where you will be tempted to go against everything you know is right, why choose to walk into those situations in the first place? I get it. Marriage is hard. It's a freakin' marathon. It's a fight to stay alive, AND to stay together. So why make it so much harder?

At first it was established that Michael and Joanna (Worthington and Knightley, respectively) seemed determined to protect their marriage. So I don't understand why they did walk into those situations. That's a plot device and not genuine character actions right there.

Now, while I blame the writing, the sad fact is this sort of thing really happens in real life. And that's why I'm disappointed. (The social commentary is coming. Hehehe.)

Because the truth is, I don't believe human beings are born cheaters. I don't believe cheating is in our nature. I don't adhere to the liberal belief that "It's just impossible to be monogamous!" (Yes, I'm looking at YOU, Scarlett Johansson.) So maybe right now people should look into the depths of their soul and believe that yes, it's possible to just be with one person your entire life, because we are not animals. We're people who make relational, lifetime commitments (marriage, parenthood, discipleship, etc.), and we have a choice to honor and renew those commitments every morning, when we wake up.

The problem with people is that we bolt at the first sign of trouble. "This isn't working out for me, so I'm just gonna bail," "Oh, my needs aren't being met, I want a divorce." I think it's sad that so many married couples are falling into this trap. It's sad that culture has taught the majority to feel this way. Thankfully, God calls us to something greater and offers us life to the fullest!

If anything, I'm glad a movie like this is out because it will remind people that we really need God's grace to be good husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, what-have-you's. It's only by His grace we can fulfill our God-given roles and duties in this world.

Okay, so much for that. HAHA.

Now, as for the movie. If I were to sum it up in one sentence, it's this: "One makes a mistake and regrets it; the other one doesn't make a mistake and regrets it." How sad is that, right? The movie isn't as hard to watch as, say, Revolutionary Road. But it's still hard to watch in its own right.

It sounds like a derivative and typical tale of marital morality – a couple doesn't talk to each other, and lazily lets things get to the point where they both want to cheat. But the director (I forgot his/her name hahaha) infused a thoughtfulness and a freshness in the movie that made me see the subject matter in a new light.

To be honest, I don't understand the sudden influx of movies glamourizing adultery and infidelity nowadays. Last Night is one of those movies. Sure, they show the consequences of the mistake. At the end (SPOILER ALERT) both Knightley and Worthington's characters seemed regretful over their actions. So that's the aftermath of their wrong choices. But the way they did, I almost want to accuse the director of making the audience cheer for infidelity. Maybe the actors just did a really good job. Good thing Worthington and Knightley's chemistry stood out among all the pairings, so I was rooting for the married couple throughout the movie.

Sam Worthington and Keira Knightley play Michael and Joanna

It is also very European in its execution. I love how there were four different accents at play (Knightley's British, Worthington's Australian, Canet is French and Mendes is American). I think they all delivered fairly well, but Guillaume Canet, who played Joanna's ultimate "The Man Who Got Away" – the too-perfect romantic ideal who always surfaces at times of marital discontent, was a revelation. He reminded me so much of Patrick Dempsey looks-wise, but he is the superior actor. No contest.

Story-wise, it will make people decide which is worse: physical or emotional betrayal? (Where I come from, they are equally wrong.)

All in all, the movie is good and enjoyable for all its worth. It could have been better, but the subject matter having been overdone countless of times, I applaud the director for pulling it off somehow. I still maintain that Closer did the whole love and betrayal thing the best out of all these movies. It reminded me a bit of Blue Valentine too, both movies being about a marriage falling apart. (Which reminds me, I have to review that movie also! Haha! One of 2010's best.)

Cliché as it may be, Last Night is still an enjoyable ride which I think makes the audience think, so I'm glad I watched it. And it has repeat value too. 4/5.

Supermoon Pictures

2011-04-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

I took these last March 19, 2011 at 2 in the morning, also known as the night of the Supermoon. It's only now that I got around to uploading them. (Stumbled upon them accidentally while organizing my files just now, haha.)

A "Supermoon" is a phenomenon wherein a full or new moon coincides with a close approach by the Moon to the Earth. The Moon's distance varies each month between approximately 357,000 kilometers (222,000 mi) and 406,000 km (252,000 mi) due to its elliptical orbit around the Earth (distances given are center-to-center). (Source)

Again, I must apologize for my less than stellar photography skills. The DSLR wasn't with me, these are just digicam pictures. And as you know, I work with what I have. Hehehe. :-)

So glad we were in Tarlac when it happened. I don't think we would have seen the Supermoon in all its glory if we were in the city. Plus, apparently this won't happen again until 2016.. so I'm glad I was able to take pictures, even if they aren't perfect.

From the backyard.

From the window.

From the front yard. Hahahaha.

Song of the Day: Every Season by Nichole Nordeman

2011-04-06T21:14:00.000+08:00

I was reminded of this song when my friend Mark asked me to recommend some good Christian artists.. I remembered Nichole Nordeman and how her song "Every Season" singlehandedly describes my spiritual life. In every season, God is faithful, even if I'm not. :-)

"What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring.."

Two Snow White Movies Coming Out in 2012

2011-04-06T02:20:00.004+08:00

I heard Red Riding Hood bombed at the box office. Honestly, I'm not surprised (from the director of Twilight.. need I say more?), even if I thought the trailer was.. interesting.

I was going to see it on the big screen, but because I am such a conformist, I decided against it when I read a lot of very bad reviews. Amanda Seyfried is pretty as always though, and I still have a huge crush on Max Irons.

Now Hollywood is coming up with not one, but two live action Snow White films in 2012. And I honestly don’t understand why.

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN (Walt Disney)

Kristen Stewart (Twilight) as Snow White

Charlize Theron as The Evil Queen

Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings Trilogy) as The Huntsman

THE BROTHERS GRIMM: SNOW WHITE (Relativity Media)

Lily Collins (The Blind Side) as Snow White

Julia Roberts as The Evil Queen

Armie Hammer (The Social Network) as The Prince

Which film do you think will be the bigger hit? I personally am looking forward to the Lily Collins version more. I think she and Armie Hammer will look great together! (Although I still love me some Viggo Mortensen and I am looking forward to seeing him do another big-budget family film!)

P.S. I was honestly more excited when I heard rumors of Selena Gomez playing Snow White in the Disney version, I think she’s adorable and the best one out of the Disney Three (her, Miley and Demi). Oh well, she's doing Thirteen Reasons Why anyway.. I think that's a good deal!

Selena Gomez channels her inner Sleeping Beauty for a photoshoot

I wonder if they’ll make a Little Mermaid movie next. That would be so pretty. Can I play Ariel, please? HAHA.

Three Questions by Leslie Ludy

2011-04-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

Listen, receive your own revelation and be blessed. :-)